Goodbye 2016.

2016, you were a hard one. 

I have said that 2014 was my hardest year. Cancer was no fun.

But 2016 takes the prize. 

Hard times and lots of saying goodbye. So much change. Lots of bitter. 

But I remember- There was also sweet...

My beautiful friends visited us all the way from Haiti. 

I received a clear mammogram. 

I attended my first Women's Ramp and was forever changed. 

I had lots of proud mama moments. 

I learned to count my blessings.

My marriage- my family - became my most precious gift to me. A gift worth fighting for.

I embraced a new home. New job. New church.

I realized I'm stronger than I used to believe. That I can walk through the fire. 

I have chosen to let go instead of clinging to a past I can't change. Forgiveness is the key.

I honor the lessons- blocking out the past will not help me learn. 

Most of all- I know who I am. And that I don't need a human to validate me. I have my Fathers approval and love. 

2016 didn't break me, and I'm grateful for the lessons learned. I will use them as fuel for my future. I will fight the fear of being broken again, because I know that will hold me back from pursuing my dreams. 

I will still dream, and I will still believe. 

Here's to 2017. You will be the best one yet. 

❤️Christa 

The hard stuff.

Being a parent is hard. 

I remember being about 15 and in a child development class in school, and thinking, I am NEVER having kids.

It just seemed like too much responsibility. Too much commitment. Sharing my stuff? Going without? No thanks, people. 

Too hard. 

I mean, I wanted my ME time. My money, my space, my life. I wanted to shop for myself. Do what I wanted. Sleep until I wanted. 

Ha! Seems hilarious to think about now. 

Just a selfish teenager with small dreams. That's who I was. God had other plans. 

Here I am, 3 kids later, and like many other parents I could never imagine my life without them. 

Without them taking my money. My space. My time. My heart. 

They made me better. Stronger and wiser. More tender and soft. 

I want so badly to protect them. From the crazy world. From being hurt and let down. But I just can't. I hate that, but sometimes we are just so helpless. We just have to stand by and watch as they go through heartbreak and struggle. 

Here's the thing. We are helpless. As much as we hate to admit it. We are unable to prevent hardship or sickness from coming to ourselves or our children. We can't stand guard 24/7 over their hearts and minds. And we can't force them to make the right choice. 

But we CAN do something. We can pray. 

We can pray and believe. We can stay prayed up and close to Jesus, and when they come to us for guidance or encouragement, we can be ready. Ready to speak life and love. And most of all we can pray they turn to Jesus. Not just for the hard times but for the good times too. 

That might not seem like much, or feel like much. Because we all wish we could do more. But all we can do is our best. And our best is always good enough, no matter how small it might feel. 

❤️Christa 

What does a Christian look like?

I've been in a season the past 5 months unlike any other I've experienced. It has forced me to reevaluate everything I believe to be true.

 About God, about truth, about Church, about Christians. 

About how I treat others. And what I allow in my life. About my worth.

I have never claimed to know it all. But I do believe I have met Jesus, and know Him as not only my best friend but also my savior. My rescuer. The one who speaks peace to my heart. 

I also know him as the one with eyes of fire. When I am out of line,harboring bitterness or ugliness, he nudges me. Lovingly, but firm. With "good" reason or with none at all, he convicts my heart and urges me to let it go. To make things right. Because that's who he is. 

For each of us that follow Him. 

I believe that God is good. No matter what the situation looks like. His goodness doesn't change and His love doesn't either. He's just as passionate about me when I fall than he is when I stay on the path.

I believe he hurts when we hurt, that it pains him when we hurt one another.  

I also believe in the church. Despite its flaws. It's beautiful. And it's through connection we are healed. Doing life together, loving one another. Pulling one another up when we need a helping hand. 

I try my hardest to stay near his heart, because I believe it's the only way to truly love people. I constantly look my heart over, looking for dark spots so I can hand them over to the one that can change me. I don't always follow through. I'm not perfect. But I try.  

So when I see or hear of Christians mistreating one another, I believe that's wrong. 

We are required to love. It's not an option. It's biblical.  It's a command. 

What does that look like? 

Well. Here's what I believe it doesn't look like....

Degrading someone because their choices aren't what you think they should be. 

Gossiping about another because they struggle. 

Seeing someone and completely avoiding them because they aren't on your level. 

Regarding someone to their past. 

Leaving a brother or sister in the ditch because you want to keep your hands clean. 

Being silent when your words could change everything. 

Here's what I've seen and believe to be true Christianity...

Being joyful in suffering.

Choosing to do the right thing even when it's hard. 

Repenting and forgiving. And letting go.

Receiving bad news and still looking out for others. 

Loving someone through their dark times. 

Seeing potential, seeing the diamond. 

Not giving up on someone in the rough patch. 

Speaking life. 

Spreading hope when it looks bleak. 

I believe we can be good to each other. 

I want Him to recognize me when He returns. 

Let us be awakened to love. 

❤️Christa 

Things I'd tell my newlywed self.

Oh hey self. 

You're looking pretty excited and scared and in love. 

Hard times will come, good times will come, and I need you to listen. 

Your eyes light up when he's around and butterflies when you talk about him and when you talk about your future. Remember this. 

The days with pagers instead of cell phones and the late night "143"... Remember this. 

Walking down the aisle and being shaky and hopeful and hearing George Straight singing and saying "I do..." Remember this. 

When the first baby comes (and the second and third...) and you see how much they look like you and him, and you see what a miracle God made, and that he used you both... The feeling doesn't have words. Remember this. 

When the fights come and go... And come again... And he wraps his arms around you and wipes your tears away... The times he cries with you... Remember this. 

When the first house is built... And he works so hard to build a life for your family... Countless hours at his job and lonely times for you both, but with a goal in mind... Remember this. 

When the lump is found, and you tell him... He held you and prayed with you and wiped your tears. When the diagnosis comes he stands with you and though his knees buckle at times, he stays and helps carry the burden. Remember this. 

When people come and go, and life takes you to new places, the love grows and it doesn't leave. He teaches you about love and what it really looks like, and it's not only a feeling. It's a choice. A decision. Remember this. 

Love isn't earned - it's given. Because we were saved by love that hung on a cross. It wasn't earned, it was freely given. 

Remember this. 

Don't give up on love. If it's broken, fix it. If it's dry, water it. If it's hard, pray through it. 

Remember this.

Love, 

Your future self 

Sometimes we miss it.

Sometimes we miss it. As Christians. 

We are called to be light and salt. Ambassadors of love. And some of us really try. But we just are short some days. 

Some of us discount people...there's always more to a person than what meets the eye. Look again. 

Some shoot their wounded instead of binding their wounds. Or casting them off- afraid of getting dirty.  In the name of Jesus... Not really understanding that one. 

My family has entered a new season. It's different from any other season we've been in, and we've had to take a lot of hits to the heart. 

The pain and hurt from some has been countered with love and compassion from others. 

But we have not kept pushing forward without being pressed on every side. 

We have had to set our gaze and determine in our hearts that Jesus is better- better than any persons approval. Better than a microphone or recognition. 

Better than being seen by man. 

This is not easy or simple. It's a daily choice. To be content in the season. 

Knowing Jesus and letting everything that prevents us from seeing Him be burnt away. 

Christians are gonna miss it sometimes- myself included. And when that happens, let's not pretend we didn't. Fake it. Be self righteous and make excuses. 

And if you've been hurt by Christians- I'm sorry. I'm sorry and I pray you'll remember we are just humans and most of us are really trying. The enemy gets the best of all of us some days. 

Please don't give up on God and his plans for you. 

Let's forgive and get it right the next time. Grow in love and grace. 

Let's learn to love. He's watching ❤️

I shall not want.

"When I taste your goodness, I shall not want."

Think about the times you've felt content. Like, really satisfied.

Being full after a great meal. 

Sleeping in after a longggg stretch of getting up early. 

The first sip of a great cup of coffee. 

The first time the baby sleeps through the night. 

The feeling after you get into a perfect bubble bath. 

Getting into bed with clean sheets... 

Content. 

What does it mean to be content? 

Content: (adjective) satisfied with what one is or has; not wanting more or anything else.

Looking around at my life, I feel I have been mostly content. Sure, things have not always been perfect. But I've been satisfied with my life. Little or much. I'm grateful. For my kids, for my husband and for the relationships I've been given. 

There is such power is choosing gratefulness and contentment. 

The two times I've been extremely discontent were two seasons that I did not ask for. They were thrown on me and I didn't have a say. I thought somebody would stand up and speak. They didn't. Decisions were made for me. People made choices for me. Things should have been different. 

Been there? So many have. It's no fun. 

And my heart broken. 

But guess what? I am learning that you can be content in these moments too. Choosing contentment is just that- a choice. 

Even though circumstances aren't ideal, I can be content. 

My heart may be heavy, but I can be content. 

People come and go. I can be content. 

Things change, and Jesus remains. 

That's why I am content. Because He does not leave or turn away. He's steady and faithful and when everything around me falls- He is true. 

When I'm mistreated by people I thought I could trust- He remains. 

When my surroundings change unexpectedly- Jesus remains. 

When health reports come and they aren't what we wish they were - Jesus remains. 

And I believe this with all my heart... That being content is tied to being a good forgiver.

There is always a need to forgive, always someone that has hurt us, knowingly or not. Doing this keeps our heart in a position of contentment, and rest. This is freedom. 

And there is nothing that justifies holding on to your offense. Nothing so terrible or awful. It's just not worth hanging on to. 

Because - Jesus can wash anything. His blood speaks a better word. 

What if we just decided to stop wishing for more? For something different? 

What if our "now" has purpose in shaping us and growing us? Making us stronger. It does. 

Believing in what's coming, but being content in my now. 

❤️Christa 

Guard your heart.

"Keep vigilant watch over your heart; that's where life starts." 

Proverbs 4:23 The Message

This has been my favorite verse since I met Jesus. I have read it over and over, shared it with others, spoke messages on it...it is very powerful and I promise will change your life - if applied fully. 

If you've ever been in a season where you or your family has been under spiritual attack, this verse becomes more of a command than a suggestion. It is a must- for your protection as well as your sanity. 

To move forward and to break any ties that the enemy could use to hinder or draw you backwards- you must be willing to cut away- a clean sweep- even things you have loved and held dear. 

Why? Because Jesus is better- and his plans are better. 

Don't be afraid or unwilling to reevaluate your life. You are worth it. 

Relationships, attitudes, habits. Lay it all out and ask yourself what needs to go. 

You'll take criticism. You'll be judged and talked about and misunderstood. 

It's ok. 

Questions to ask if you aren't sure...

Is it life giving?

Does it encourage my heart? 

Could it be a distraction from my future? 

Does it weigh me down? 

These are my bars. Anything that leads to negativity or death- it goes. 

Some of this hurts. Some- not so much.

But Jesus is better. I know He is. 

Moving on ❤️

Christa 

Crappy Days.

Some days are just crappy.  

Sometimes the days turn into weeks, & the weeks turn into months.

Things don't happen like you hoped.

Things happen that you didn't expect.

Your plans fell apart.

Sometimes the people you thought would reach out or be there just aren't.  

For whatever reasons.  

Maybe they are busy.  

Maybe they don't know what to say.  

Maybe they've been lied to or decieved.

                                               Maybe they are having a crappy day too. 

I woke up after a day of blissful yard work - the yard of our rental house was a bit overgrown- and my arms were covered in poison ivy.  Then my legs were.  Then it spread to my face and it just was not getting better.

(And by the way - I never remember having poison ivy in my life....) 

So after a week of steroids and a shot in the butt, I *think* I'm on the mend.  

Oh- and this started on the FIRST day of my new job.  Which is at a cute little cafe downtown- and not anything I've ever done before - but it's time for new things.  So here I am.  

After a week of meltdowns in our family - did I mention this has been a HARD season? - I finally feel a bit of relief.  Kevin has a potential job and another possibility - and we are choosing to believe - to beleve UNTIL.  Until the prayer is answered.  Until things are better.  

Sometimes life is rough. Don't overspiritualize it or analyze it. Just be honest about it. Sometimes life is hard because the battle is hard. ‪

And maybe - just maybe- there is something really great on the other side of the fight.  Something precious.  Something that you just can't get the easy way.  

Keep praying, friends.  Keep going.   Keep believing.  

Until <3 

Christa 

Don't you carry stones.

We think we know so much.

We assume... And usually we only have partial information.

We have so many opinions. 

"I like warm weather. I like cold weather. I like Trump. I like Hillary. Chocolate is better than vanilla. Music preferences. Hair color. Job choices. College. This church is better. That person is this or that. The way we drive our vehicles. The way we raise our kids. I would do it this way. I sure wouldn't have done that. I would never...."

On and on. 

We think we know what is best. We think our way is better. 

And we call it wisdom... 

Who really knows best? Who is really qualified to judge? To see a mans heart and know his intentions? 

God, that's who. And if you call yourself one of His, you are required to do things his way. 

There is no other way, only his way. 

To choose love, as he is love. To seek him and his way. 

What does that look like?

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 

Love hopes all things, believes all things. 

If someone is seemingly living lower than their potential, you are called to hope. If you think they aren't sorry or repentant, remember you really don't know...if you think you see something- you are not called to carry around stones to throw. You are called to bear all things. To believe. To pray for them.

We love to read this scripture at weddings or when we are feeling good. But to walk it out is another thing entirely. When someone has done wrong- or hurt us- or someone we care about- it's much harder to embrace. 

We'd rather point our finger and say what we think. Forgetting that 4 fingers are pointing back at us. 

Help us Jesus. Help us to remember we are all imperfect people in need of a savior. No one should have stones to throw. 

Teach us what real love is. 

Christa 

Nothing missing

It's our fifth day in a new place. 

Some have asked how we are. 

It has been bittersweet. Moments of bitter... Moments of sweet. 

The Lord has been faithful to meet me where I am. In my dark and lonely moments, He has given me laughter with my people and reminders of His love. Joy for mourning. 

When I felt people have failed me, and uncertainty threatens to choke me, He wakes me up with a song in my heart....

"I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord. 

Oh my God, He will not delay. My refuge and strength always. 

I will not fear, His promise is true. My God will come through, always. Always."

When things come and you didn't have time to prepare- you must choose to trust the Lord. No matter what. What other option do we have? 

To quit? To turn away from God? 

That's not even an option. He's our only hope. 

I am trusting in new levels. I am hopeful and expectant. I am believing for a full return of what was stolen.  Nothing will be missing. 

I know where my help comes from. 

I hope you do too ❤️

-Christa 

 

Choose wisely.

Sometimes you just don't have words for the feelings in your heart.

You try and come up with something, to do it justice.  But there just doesn't seem to be anything that comes close.

Life can hit you hard sometimes.  Things seemingly come out of nowhere and throw you for a loop.  Leave you trying to catch your breath.

And you are there wondering, "What now?"

There are several options when trauma hits your house.  Choose wisely.

* You can dig a hole and jump in it.

*You can try and pull as many as you can into your offense.  Continuing the pain and attempting to build a group to validate your feelings.  At the same time, hardening your own heart and distancing yourself from God.

*You can turn and curse God.  "Where are you?  Where have you been?  Why didn't you do something?"  "You've never been there anyway."  "You never cared."

*Or - you can fall on your knees.  Know that He is always good. No matter the circumstance or situation.

I choose this one.

The ONLY ONE who has any virtue is Jesus.  The only one that never fails. That never turns away. That never lies.  That never pushes my face into my sins or even remembers them.

The one that helps me forgive.  Helps me choose life.  Helps me move forward. Helps me go through the hard things.

Helps me love. Even those that gossip and accuse and assume.

Jesus.  He's the only one.

He gives me hope, that one day I can stand before him and he will look me in the eyes and recognize me...and He will ask me the question -

"Christa......did you learn to love?"  

And I pray that I will fall down at his feet, and whisper, "Yes. I did."


<3 christa

Heart hugs

Some weeks are just heavy. Busy. Just...a lot. 

Good moments, mixed with hard ones. And a constant tug on our hearts... Will we choose joy? Or will we choose offense? Peace? Or heaviness and anxiety? Guard our hearts? Or let all of it in...

One day at work, I got a text from someone across the miles. I've watched her grow up. Been blessed to be connected at the heart. And walked some hard times with her too. 

I thought about her and typed out a text. Then I deleted it. 

I started thinking..."she has plenty of people to encourage her. She doesn't need your words." 

So I kept going about my day, and let it go. 

That night she was in my dream, we were laughing and at the beach. It was a sweet dream.

The next morning, I got a text from her. 

A sweet, encouraging text. A reminder of times following Jesus together. Thanking me for pouring into her life. And sharing that she dreamed about me too. 

Coincidence? I don't think so. I believe when God connects hearts, they are forever connected. The enemy can do his best to divide. Our humanness can keep us from reaching out. Time can pass and distance can seem far. 

But Jesus loves for us to love one another. He nudges our hearts for one another. 

I needed that heart hug. I didn't realize how badly I needed it until it came. But I needed it. And I'm grateful for Jesus and how he loves us.   Maybe she needed my words too. I'm sad I didn't listen. 

Do you feel Him nudging your heart today? Maybe it doesn't seem rational. Maybe it doesn't make sense. Your mind may try and talk you out of it. 

But consider this... The someone on the other side may be in need of encouragement in a bad way. It could make all the difference. Don't discount the effect of your words. 

Reach out :) 

❤️ Christa 

Facing fear

Today I did something that scared me. I faced a fear I had. I faced the belief that I couldn't do something. 

I realized I had disqualified myself. I believed others could do great things... But could I? 

Last week I went to a women's gathering in Alabama. I was in a room of people that really believed that God could do ANYTHING. It was an atmosphere of dreams. I felt stirred- and felt His encouragement in my heart to pursue a dream I've had. 

Something that will bless and serve others. And glorify Him.

So last night I started. And today I took steps in that direction. 

Not to be mysterious- but things aren't final and I'm still praying for final direction ;) 

But -like Karen Wheaton says-  "what about God???" He is just so faithful. He gives us dreams and He longs for us to abandon our insecurities and walk them out. 

Do you have a dream in your heart? Will you believe for it to happen? Will you face the fear inside? 

The prize is worth the process - I promise:) and Jesus is with you every step. 

He has never lost a battle ❤️ 

We can do the hard things, friend. 

Much love,

Christa  

More than meets the eye

Last week I found the coolest little book. We were downtown shopping in a few antique shops and it caught my eye. I got it because it was small and old and cost $4.00, so why not? 

It turned out to be a book by Andrew Murray about prayer, and it has wrecked me. Thank God I found that little book. 

How many have passed it by? Not given it a second thought? 

There's always more to things than what meets the eye. 

I was asked by someone recently how I continue to love people after they hurt me, or use me. It took be aback - I had really not thought about it before. 

There are many relationships I have had that were one sided, mostly taking and not much giving. It comes with the territory being pastors. Honestly I guess I just conditioned myself - with years in ministry you kinda get used to it. 

Just because I smile and continue to show love- doesn't mean I dont hurt. I have feelings. I have been talked about and judged plenty. It seems to always find its way to my ears, the enemy loves that. 

But I give it to the lord. And if he leads me to confront, I do. But most if the time he leads me to pray for the one that hurt me. Keep silent and pray. When my flesh would do otherwise. 

So humbling. 

I have learned to take things with a grain of salt. People all have opinions and unfortunately we aren't great at showing grace and mercy in abundance toward one another. We are all growing and learning - if any are perfect you should open a school and teach the rest of us ;)

The only way to really love people past your means and to keep your heart open is to love with His love. Abide in Him. There's always enough if you love with His heart. It never runs dry. 

Don't let people cause you to turn your love off. We all fail and we will all fall short. 

Choose love. Like Jesus did. And still does.

Even with the hurt, it's so worth it. 

Christa ❤️