I want to look like love.

I realize that most of my blog posts lately have had the same running theme.

Don't take life for granted.

But I just can't get off of that.  It's my heart.  So here's another one. :)

I believe we have been given gifts in the ones God has trusted us with.  Our families, our friends, our relationships.  And I also believe we will be held accountable for the way we have loved them.

I believe we have been given two charges from the almighty.  To love God with everything we have, and to love others BIG.

I have been convicted lately that I haven't loved people well.  Not as well as I should.  Not with my whole heart.  I want to be better at that. I want to look like love.

Starting with my immediate family.  And spreading out from there.

Don't we take the ones closest to us for granted.... the most?  Ugh I hate to admit that. But it's true.  We get familiar with those we are around all the time.

But what gifts they are to us.

I yelled at my kids today.  I got aggravated with my husband too.  And that's ok - we are human and it's gonna happen.  But my heart needed a check. And I'm just so thankful for Holy Spirit. He leads and directs me and my heart into all truth. And boy do I need it.

"She carefully gathers the minutes of her life and lives them."

I want to be this.  I want to cherish every moment - soak up the moments - and really live them.

I cried at dinner tonight. I cried over my barbeque chicken. Why? Because my little boy was shoving food in his mouth and I was tempted to fuss at him. I almost did - and then it hit me.

He is a beautiful gift.  A gift from Daddy God.  And He gives such good gifts!

Love the ones you're with, friends.  They are treasures.  <3


Much love,
Christa

Life more abundant

John 10:10

Jesus told this simple story, but they had no idea what he was talking about. So he tried again. “I’ll be explicit, then. I am the Gate for the sheep. All those others are up to no good—sheep stealers, every one of them. But the sheep didn’t listen to them. I am the Gate. Anyone who goes through me will be cared for—will freely go in and out, and find pasture. A thief is only there to steal and kill and destroy. I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of. (MSG version)

10 The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. (KJV)

Oh friends.  Let me just say that this has been a tough season.  I'm not whining. Okay maybe I am. Just a little.  ;)

Jesus said in the same text that the enemy comes to destroy.  Not only to steal. Not only to kill. But to steal - kill - and destroy.  He does NOT want us to have life. And he definitely doesn't want us to have life better than our dreams, life more abundant.  

So many are hurting, going through terrible things, suffering.  We are not alone in our pain. But we MUST remember - he has come for the purpose of giving us life with Him - and that means life more abundant.  

If you do not feel that you are living an abundant life- I encourage you to find Him again. Take some time for yourself. In your car, in your room, in your closet, it doesn't matter.  Open His word and ask Him to speak to you.  He has life beyond our best dreams for ourselves.  We just need to hand all of the pieces over to Him.  

Don't settle for 9-5, routine, mundane life....for figuring out things on your own.  Don't settle for pill popping just to get through another day.  Don't settle for numbing from tough things.  Don't settle for letting it be this way. 

Go to the well - to the life giver - and let Him refill you and refuel you.  
I'll meet you there :) 

Don't settle. <3 

Much love,
Christa 

Smile.

Smile though your heart is aching

Smile even though it's breaking

When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by

If you smile through your fear and sorrow

Smile and maybe tomorrow

You'll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness

Hide every trace of sadness

Although a tear may be ever so near

That's the time you must keep on trying

Smile, what's the use of crying? 

You'll find that life is still worthwhile

If you just smile

That's the time you must keep on trying

Smile, what's the use of crying? 

You'll find that life is still worthwhile

If you just smile

(Smile lyrics, Nat King Cole) 

Something I have heard a lot lately is, "you always smile." 

I have tried to make sense of my season. I have tried to still be myself through the tough times. When I felt like staying in bed, I made myself get up and get dressed. There were times the cancer and meds crippled me and I was in tears, unable to go places and events. Missing my kids activities and breaking my heart. 

Smiling is a choice. Joy is a choice. Love is a choice. 

I have put on a happy face and smiled through the tears. Put a scarf or hat on my bald head and a bit of makeup on my pale face. Because what is the alternative? To stay in bed? To give in to the oppression? To let the darkness into my heart? 

No. 

We must choose love and light, choose it every day. Every moment. 

Not because we feel like it. Joy is not a feeling. 

Because He chose us. 

When we didn't choose Him. 

So I choose joy. When I don't feel it. When I'm hurting. Because it's all in our mind. That's where the battlefield is. 

I'm no hero. I have no supernatural abilities apart from Jesus. I simply try to be what He wants. I stumble every day and am thankful for grace and mercy. 

And I choose joy. I choose to smile. 

 "Be surprised by joy, be surprised by the little flower that shows its beauty in the midst of a barren desert." Henri Nouwen 

-Christa 

Choices

Just sharing what's on my heart today :)


We wake up every day with choices.

To get up early. Or even on time. Or to just sleep in a few more minutes.

To choose what we want for breakfast. Or if we even want to eat. Coffee? Tea? Juice?
Lots of choices.

Some we can make easily. And some take time.  

And some choices we really take our time on, because they have a cost to them.

When I have a choice to make, and I feel like it's a pretty big deal, I know I need to slow down, pray and ask for direction.

Sometimes God is silent, and He lets me go the way I decide.  

When I met my husband, I was hurting.  There had been a breakup after a 2 year relationship, and I was afraid to get into another one.  I determined that I would not get serious with anyone for a long time.

But prom was coming, and I had no date.  So my friend did what she thought was a great idea- and thank goodness she did.  She set me up with her boyfriend's handsome marine friend - and the rest is history.  Today is his birthday - oh I'm so glad he was born. :)

I could have made the choice to stay home for prom - and not agreed to her plan.

I did NOT pray- I didn't even know Jesus or care about being in line with Him or His plan.  But He knew me - and even though lots of bumps were ahead for us - He knew what we would become and He knew His plans.

When we moved to Texas- the plan was not clear - in fact it was very foggy and the only sure thing He put into our hearts was, "Serve and lift the arms of Gary and Carolyn..."  

So we prayed. And we counted the cost. And we cried many tears.  And we said goodbye.

We made the choice to sell our home and move across the country to follow what we felt God was saying for us.  It has not been easy.  It has not been clear.  But it has been full of joy.

Sometimes He confirms we are right where we are supposed to be. And sometimes He is quiet.  And the quiet times are hard.

You also have the power to choose your emotions. Anger, disappointment, peace, sadness, joy.  To choose to love. To choose to hope.

Someone hurts us- on purpose or not- we can choose.
Something doesn't go the way we had hoped- we can choose.
Things end and you didn't want them to - we can choose.
A really great thing happens... to someone else - we can choose.
The world comes crashing down as we know it- we can choose.

That's the thing about choices.  They are ours. 

Jesus came to give us life more abundant - life to the full.  A life of blessings. And we can have it - if we choose.

I hope you choose well <3

Christa 


"Today I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. Now I call on heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Oh, that you would choose life, so that you and your descendants might live!"  Deut. 30:19

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10

He knows my name.

Seven months ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer. 

No warning. No insurance. And no money to pay for it all. 

I felt scared, lonely and weak.

 But He knew my name.

Today I went for my surgery post op appointment. I am healing well. My tumor had shrunk to the degree that it wasn't detected on a mammogram and looked like scar tissue. She removed it and it's GONE! Another part of the process is done. 

I felt stronger and more like myself when I woke up this morning. A little stronger every day. 

Going through struggles and tough times can bring out the worst in us. Things we thought we had overcome - come out of hiding places and show their ugly faces. 

But nothing happens that God isn't aware of- that He doesn't allow... So it's all for His glory. The pain, suffering, the ugly. To make us more like Him- and to strengthen our faith. And I have learned that this is truer than true- that God loves ugly. He embraces it. At my worst, at my ugliest point- he loved me. He knew my name. And I was enough. 

Though I am not thankful for cancer- I am thankful for this season. I have learned so much about myself. I have learned that I am tougher than I had believed. And that I have a savior that accepts me and everything about me. 

He knows my name, but He calls me beloved. Even when we are unloveable, ungrateful, and ugly. Today I'm so grateful for life. I get to laugh with my husband, play cards with my babies, enjoy time with people I love, serve in ministry. My heart is so full. 

And I'm determined in my heart that I won't take life for granted. I want to soak up every opportunity, forgive those who hurt me, and love well. Love Jesus and people with all of my heart. 

Because what else really matters?

Won't you join me? ❤️

Christa 

Don't wanna miss a thing.

Hello friends :)

It's been a while.

Being sick is an ugly beast.  It's not something you can really explain. The feelings and emotions are so up and down.

One minute I feel like positive polly, and the next I'm down in the dumps.  Oh hormones and chemo and ugh.

As a believer, we are supposed to be full of faith and belief- that He will carry us through and heal us and take care of us.  (and I so very much believe that)

Oh but we are are so very human. So fragile and small.  I am more aware of this than I ever have been.

Watch your judgement.... You really see how strong your faith is when you face something like this.

I remember the first time I held each of my babies.

Touching their skin, putting my finger inside their tiny hand, the feeling of them wrapping their fingers around mine.  Aware of how tiny and breakable they were, and without our care they couldn't survive.

I have felt the brevity of that during this time. Not only with my health, but with relationships too. I have realized that it is "hard" for others to see me as sick. I began to feel the distance from those I thought wouldn't pull away.

At first this offended me.  I'm still the same person- the same friend- with the same heart.  But I guess it would be hard for me to see someone I care about be sick too.  Growing in my "grace with others" area, and trusting that He puts who I, We need in our lives when we need them. And we all have our limits I suppose.  I'm sure there have been many times I have missed the mark.

It has been particularly hard on my husband and children.  Which was expected.  But I know it is strengthening us in areas too.  I will be so glad when it is over- but we are not promised tomorrow are we?  All I have been thinking is - "can't wait to get back to my normal life."  But what is normal?

So for now- I am trying to make the most of the moments.  What I used to consider mundane and unimportant and whatever.

Fixing my daughter's hair.

Folding my husband's laundry.

Attending my son's football practice.

Packing their lunches.

Signing their permission forms.

Kissing them goodnight.

Because I don't wanna miss a thing.

I have to miss church, and parties, and activities with my children.  I try to drag myself out whenever physically possible- because being alone in bed sick is the pits. LOL

One treatment left, then surgery, then 6 weeks of radiation. Just enough to steal my summer- but I will make the most of the moments I can.  And pray that I look back on this time as a horrible season and shut the door tight.  

Thank you for your love- support- prayers.  It means more to me that I can say and it will be remembered.  Reach out to someone today.  Love does.

Much love <3
christa

This little light

This little light of mine, 

I'm gonna let it shine

This little light of mine

I'm gonna let it shine

This little light of mine

I'm gonna let it shine

Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine. 

Most of us have heard this sweet little song at church when we were little, and know it by heart. I have often told my kids when leaving for school, "shine your light today." 

There are so many in need of the light. In desperate need of hope, the belief that things can and will get better. 

Many drench their pillows with tears and cries for relief at night. We are human, and we grow weary. This is why we must let our lights shine. 

Last night I wept and had a heart full of questions and doubts. Do you really see? I know you are the God who sees. But do you really see, or hear? Do you really care, God? 

Today I came home to a box at my front door, full of sweet thoughtful gifts. From beautiful sisters that I have never met face to face. Instagram friends from several different states. With scripture and encouragement that was His perfect time.

A token of love. 

How He loves us, friends. 

I sit here overwhelmed by His love. His amazing love. That wraps us up and fills our gaps and is always, always enough. 

Don't take your light for granted. Let it shine. We all have dark times, and a little light is sometimes all we need to pull ourselves up by the bootstraps and go another day. 

He sees, He hears, He cares. 

Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not, therefore;you are of more value than many sparrows. Matthew 10:29-31

❤️let it shine,

Christa