Who told you that you were naked?

Genesis 3 The Message (MSG)

3 The serpent was clever, more clever than any wild animal God had made. He spoke to the Woman: “Do I understand that God told you not to eat from any tree in the garden?”

2-3 The Woman said to the serpent, “Not at all. We can eat from the trees in the garden. It’s only about the tree in the middle of the garden that God said, ‘Don’t eat from it; don’t even touch it or you’ll die.’”

4-5 The serpent told the Woman, “You won’t die. God knows that the moment you eat from that tree, you’ll see what’s really going on. You’ll be just like God, knowing everything, ranging all the way from good to evil.”

6 When the Woman saw that the tree looked like good eating and realized what she would get out of it—she’d know everything!—she took and ate the fruit and then gave some to her husband, and he ate.

7 Immediately the two of them did “see what’s really going on”—saw themselves naked! They sewed fig leaves together as makeshift clothes for themselves.

8 When they heard the sound of God strolling in the garden in the evening breeze, the Man and his Wife hid in the trees of the garden, hid from God.

9 God called to the Man: “Where are you?”

10 He said, “I heard you in the garden and I was afraid because I was naked. And I hid.”

11 God said, “Who told you you were naked? Did you eat from that tree I told you not to eat from?”

12 The Man said, “The Woman you gave me as a companion, she gave me fruit from the tree, and, yes, I ate it.”

God said to the Woman, “What is this that you’ve done?”

13 “The serpent seduced me,” she said, “and I ate.”

God has been doing such a work in my heart.  

I can honestly say that I am not the same person I was a year ago.  I have an app on my phone called "time hop". It brings up Facebook statuses and Instagram pictures from a year ago or more, and it is such an amazing reminder of the changes my family and I have experienced. 

When I was first diagnosed with cancer, I had such resolve.  I felt so brave and I felt the strength to endure.  I said - no matter what it looks like, Jesus - I am yours. I will follow and serve you and I will be honored to go through the fire for you.  I won't turn my back. Hair or no hair. Sick or not. Healed or not. 

No matter what it looks like- oh what determination I felt.  

Don't get me wrong here.  I am not saying I lost my faith in the process. Actually- my faith is stronger than it has ever been.  

The fact is - everyone wants faith. And everyone wants to live by faith...until they HAVE to.  Until there is no choice. 

There are things about myself I didn't realize.  Oh I knew I grew up with extremely low self confidence. 

Not wanting to put my hair up because I thought my ears were hideous. 

Thinking I was such an ugly duckling. 

Let me just say- No one actually told me this. I just believed it. 

As a young girl and teenager I believed this about myself - and then I grew up.  I became a mother and wife and I met Jesus.  And I thought He healed all of those things. 

And then chemo took my hair. And my eyelashes. And my eyebrows. 

As women - we don't realize how much we rely on these things - to define us. To make us feminine. I sure didn't.  

Who told me that I was naked? 

Who told me I was ugly again? 

Who told me I needed these accessories to make me beautiful?  What defines beautiful? 

beautiful - 1. having beauty; possessing qualities that give great pleasure or satisfaction to see, hear, think about, etc.; delighting the senses or mind. 2. excellent of its kind.

Oh but this isn't what I felt about myself. I surely didn't line up with all of the magazine covers. Or the supermoms. Or the unrealistic expectations of women in the world today.
I barely had the strength to slap my fake eyelashes on. I wanted to be beautiful. But I fell so short in my heart and mind.

Why would I choose to believe this again? 

In my time of being sick - my defenses being down - I believed the lie once again.  I looked at myself and told myself- you are naked. I agreed with that serpent and ate and found myself saying - you are right about me- and I am once again not enough. 

So many of us choose this belief- that we are not beautiful. We forget that our Father is the ultimate artist. That He doesn't make mistakes. That we are fearfully and wonderfully made.

And that we are not our bodies. We are spirit.  

We are not our hair. Or our eyelashes. Or our eyebrows. 

Am I glad my hair is growing back? Sure. It is a comfort and a part of me. It allows me to feel normal. 

But I realize more than I ever have- I am not my hair, or makeup. I am not my clothing. I am spirit. 

And I AM enough because of the One that gave His life for me. 

Be encouraged today friends. You are beautiful. And you are loved.

Choose to believe what He says about you - and not the lies. 

<3 Christa 

I want to look like love.

I realize that most of my blog posts lately have had the same running theme.

Don't take life for granted.

But I just can't get off of that.  It's my heart.  So here's another one. :)

I believe we have been given gifts in the ones God has trusted us with.  Our families, our friends, our relationships.  And I also believe we will be held accountable for the way we have loved them.

I believe we have been given two charges from the almighty.  To love God with everything we have, and to love others BIG.

I have been convicted lately that I haven't loved people well.  Not as well as I should.  Not with my whole heart.  I want to be better at that. I want to look like love.

Starting with my immediate family.  And spreading out from there.

Don't we take the ones closest to us for granted.... the most?  Ugh I hate to admit that. But it's true.  We get familiar with those we are around all the time.

But what gifts they are to us.

I yelled at my kids today.  I got aggravated with my husband too.  And that's ok - we are human and it's gonna happen.  But my heart needed a check. And I'm just so thankful for Holy Spirit. He leads and directs me and my heart into all truth. And boy do I need it.

"She carefully gathers the minutes of her life and lives them."

I want to be this.  I want to cherish every moment - soak up the moments - and really live them.

I cried at dinner tonight. I cried over my barbeque chicken. Why? Because my little boy was shoving food in his mouth and I was tempted to fuss at him. I almost did - and then it hit me.

He is a beautiful gift.  A gift from Daddy God.  And He gives such good gifts!

Love the ones you're with, friends.  They are treasures.  <3


Much love,
Christa

Life more abundant

John 10:10

Jesus told this simple story, but they had no idea what he was talking about. So he tried again. “I’ll be explicit, then. I am the Gate for the sheep. All those others are up to no good—sheep stealers, every one of them. But the sheep didn’t listen to them. I am the Gate. Anyone who goes through me will be cared for—will freely go in and out, and find pasture. A thief is only there to steal and kill and destroy. I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of. (MSG version)

10 The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. (KJV)

Oh friends.  Let me just say that this has been a tough season.  I'm not whining. Okay maybe I am. Just a little.  ;)

Jesus said in the same text that the enemy comes to destroy.  Not only to steal. Not only to kill. But to steal - kill - and destroy.  He does NOT want us to have life. And he definitely doesn't want us to have life better than our dreams, life more abundant.  

So many are hurting, going through terrible things, suffering.  We are not alone in our pain. But we MUST remember - he has come for the purpose of giving us life with Him - and that means life more abundant.  

If you do not feel that you are living an abundant life- I encourage you to find Him again. Take some time for yourself. In your car, in your room, in your closet, it doesn't matter.  Open His word and ask Him to speak to you.  He has life beyond our best dreams for ourselves.  We just need to hand all of the pieces over to Him.  

Don't settle for 9-5, routine, mundane life....for figuring out things on your own.  Don't settle for pill popping just to get through another day.  Don't settle for numbing from tough things.  Don't settle for letting it be this way. 

Go to the well - to the life giver - and let Him refill you and refuel you.  
I'll meet you there :) 

Don't settle. <3 

Much love,
Christa 

Smile.

Smile though your heart is aching

Smile even though it's breaking

When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by

If you smile through your fear and sorrow

Smile and maybe tomorrow

You'll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness

Hide every trace of sadness

Although a tear may be ever so near

That's the time you must keep on trying

Smile, what's the use of crying? 

You'll find that life is still worthwhile

If you just smile

That's the time you must keep on trying

Smile, what's the use of crying? 

You'll find that life is still worthwhile

If you just smile

(Smile lyrics, Nat King Cole) 

Something I have heard a lot lately is, "you always smile." 

I have tried to make sense of my season. I have tried to still be myself through the tough times. When I felt like staying in bed, I made myself get up and get dressed. There were times the cancer and meds crippled me and I was in tears, unable to go places and events. Missing my kids activities and breaking my heart. 

Smiling is a choice. Joy is a choice. Love is a choice. 

I have put on a happy face and smiled through the tears. Put a scarf or hat on my bald head and a bit of makeup on my pale face. Because what is the alternative? To stay in bed? To give in to the oppression? To let the darkness into my heart? 

No. 

We must choose love and light, choose it every day. Every moment. 

Not because we feel like it. Joy is not a feeling. 

Because He chose us. 

When we didn't choose Him. 

So I choose joy. When I don't feel it. When I'm hurting. Because it's all in our mind. That's where the battlefield is. 

I'm no hero. I have no supernatural abilities apart from Jesus. I simply try to be what He wants. I stumble every day and am thankful for grace and mercy. 

And I choose joy. I choose to smile. 

 "Be surprised by joy, be surprised by the little flower that shows its beauty in the midst of a barren desert." Henri Nouwen 

-Christa 

Choices

Just sharing what's on my heart today :)


We wake up every day with choices.

To get up early. Or even on time. Or to just sleep in a few more minutes.

To choose what we want for breakfast. Or if we even want to eat. Coffee? Tea? Juice?
Lots of choices.

Some we can make easily. And some take time.  

And some choices we really take our time on, because they have a cost to them.

When I have a choice to make, and I feel like it's a pretty big deal, I know I need to slow down, pray and ask for direction.

Sometimes God is silent, and He lets me go the way I decide.  

When I met my husband, I was hurting.  There had been a breakup after a 2 year relationship, and I was afraid to get into another one.  I determined that I would not get serious with anyone for a long time.

But prom was coming, and I had no date.  So my friend did what she thought was a great idea- and thank goodness she did.  She set me up with her boyfriend's handsome marine friend - and the rest is history.  Today is his birthday - oh I'm so glad he was born. :)

I could have made the choice to stay home for prom - and not agreed to her plan.

I did NOT pray- I didn't even know Jesus or care about being in line with Him or His plan.  But He knew me - and even though lots of bumps were ahead for us - He knew what we would become and He knew His plans.

When we moved to Texas- the plan was not clear - in fact it was very foggy and the only sure thing He put into our hearts was, "Serve and lift the arms of Gary and Carolyn..."  

So we prayed. And we counted the cost. And we cried many tears.  And we said goodbye.

We made the choice to sell our home and move across the country to follow what we felt God was saying for us.  It has not been easy.  It has not been clear.  But it has been full of joy.

Sometimes He confirms we are right where we are supposed to be. And sometimes He is quiet.  And the quiet times are hard.

You also have the power to choose your emotions. Anger, disappointment, peace, sadness, joy.  To choose to love. To choose to hope.

Someone hurts us- on purpose or not- we can choose.
Something doesn't go the way we had hoped- we can choose.
Things end and you didn't want them to - we can choose.
A really great thing happens... to someone else - we can choose.
The world comes crashing down as we know it- we can choose.

That's the thing about choices.  They are ours. 

Jesus came to give us life more abundant - life to the full.  A life of blessings. And we can have it - if we choose.

I hope you choose well <3

Christa 


"Today I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. Now I call on heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Oh, that you would choose life, so that you and your descendants might live!"  Deut. 30:19

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10

He knows my name.

Seven months ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer. 

No warning. No insurance. And no money to pay for it all. 

I felt scared, lonely and weak.

 But He knew my name.

Today I went for my surgery post op appointment. I am healing well. My tumor had shrunk to the degree that it wasn't detected on a mammogram and looked like scar tissue. She removed it and it's GONE! Another part of the process is done. 

I felt stronger and more like myself when I woke up this morning. A little stronger every day. 

Going through struggles and tough times can bring out the worst in us. Things we thought we had overcome - come out of hiding places and show their ugly faces. 

But nothing happens that God isn't aware of- that He doesn't allow... So it's all for His glory. The pain, suffering, the ugly. To make us more like Him- and to strengthen our faith. And I have learned that this is truer than true- that God loves ugly. He embraces it. At my worst, at my ugliest point- he loved me. He knew my name. And I was enough. 

Though I am not thankful for cancer- I am thankful for this season. I have learned so much about myself. I have learned that I am tougher than I had believed. And that I have a savior that accepts me and everything about me. 

He knows my name, but He calls me beloved. Even when we are unloveable, ungrateful, and ugly. Today I'm so grateful for life. I get to laugh with my husband, play cards with my babies, enjoy time with people I love, serve in ministry. My heart is so full. 

And I'm determined in my heart that I won't take life for granted. I want to soak up every opportunity, forgive those who hurt me, and love well. Love Jesus and people with all of my heart. 

Because what else really matters?

Won't you join me? ❤️

Christa 

Don't wanna miss a thing.

Hello friends :)

It's been a while.

Being sick is an ugly beast.  It's not something you can really explain. The feelings and emotions are so up and down.

One minute I feel like positive polly, and the next I'm down in the dumps.  Oh hormones and chemo and ugh.

As a believer, we are supposed to be full of faith and belief- that He will carry us through and heal us and take care of us.  (and I so very much believe that)

Oh but we are are so very human. So fragile and small.  I am more aware of this than I ever have been.

Watch your judgement.... You really see how strong your faith is when you face something like this.

I remember the first time I held each of my babies.

Touching their skin, putting my finger inside their tiny hand, the feeling of them wrapping their fingers around mine.  Aware of how tiny and breakable they were, and without our care they couldn't survive.

I have felt the brevity of that during this time. Not only with my health, but with relationships too. I have realized that it is "hard" for others to see me as sick. I began to feel the distance from those I thought wouldn't pull away.

At first this offended me.  I'm still the same person- the same friend- with the same heart.  But I guess it would be hard for me to see someone I care about be sick too.  Growing in my "grace with others" area, and trusting that He puts who I, We need in our lives when we need them. And we all have our limits I suppose.  I'm sure there have been many times I have missed the mark.

It has been particularly hard on my husband and children.  Which was expected.  But I know it is strengthening us in areas too.  I will be so glad when it is over- but we are not promised tomorrow are we?  All I have been thinking is - "can't wait to get back to my normal life."  But what is normal?

So for now- I am trying to make the most of the moments.  What I used to consider mundane and unimportant and whatever.

Fixing my daughter's hair.

Folding my husband's laundry.

Attending my son's football practice.

Packing their lunches.

Signing their permission forms.

Kissing them goodnight.

Because I don't wanna miss a thing.

I have to miss church, and parties, and activities with my children.  I try to drag myself out whenever physically possible- because being alone in bed sick is the pits. LOL

One treatment left, then surgery, then 6 weeks of radiation. Just enough to steal my summer- but I will make the most of the moments I can.  And pray that I look back on this time as a horrible season and shut the door tight.  

Thank you for your love- support- prayers.  It means more to me that I can say and it will be remembered.  Reach out to someone today.  Love does.

Much love <3
christa