Dad.

Daddy.     Father.     Dad.

Each of those has had a sting to it - for me.

My dad was in prison for most of my life.  He passed away before being released, when my third child was very young.  None of my children remember him because they each only visited him a handful of times.

I grew up visiting prisons on the weekends.  It was my normal.  Most kids, if their father is active in their lives, go to his house, to the park, eat meals together.  Maybe he shows up to dance recitals or sports events, and he's usually at their birthday parties.

Mine wasn't. He was only out for a short time.... I remember fishing and going to the movies once. It wasn't long before he returned.

But he had a huge heart - and I know he carried the guilt and burden of his actions.  I always remember his faithful letters, he always apologized and talked of the future.  Taking my kids fishing, making up for lost time.

Promises to make things right.  

But we just aren't promised time.  Or tomorrow. We aren't even promised our next breath. We have no idea how many days we really have.  And we put off things just assuming that there is plenty of time.

I have many regrets with my dad....

I wished I hadn't ignored so many of his calls.

I wish I had written him more.

That I hadn't judged him so harshly.

I wish I hadn't had a wall up to protect myself.  I only hurt myself in the end.

It's a terrible thing to wish you could change things. I'd have loved more, even though it hurt.  I'd have said things that I felt but held back.  I'd have taken my kids to see him, regardless of what others may say or think.

But most of all, I'd have forgiven him sooner.  And made sure he knew, that I knew, that he did the best he could.  That I was sad at how things turned out. But I wasn't angry at him.

If you have your dad in your life, I encourage you.  Tell him you love him.

If you are a Dad - do it with all your heart.  Be present.  Be awake.  Be intentional.
You are more important than you realize. 

We all have our stories. Some are tougher than others...

Maybe your Dad's not perfect.  Maybe he's made mistakes.  Maybe he had a poor example, was wounded himself, or just plain missed the mark.

Maybe he truly hurt you and you don't see how to forgive him.  We hold onto things thinking it somehow protects us - really it causes the pain to settle in deeper.  Try to let it go... I promise you'll feel better.  Jesus can take the burdens - and his yoke is easy, his burden is light. It's such a sweet exchange.

Maybe your dad is wonderful.  Maybe he's amazing and never missed an awards assembly, field trip or game.  Or maybe he's worked hard for your family and you never saw him too much.  He's still human though, we all are. Only one Father is truly perfect.  

What has helped me in my process is learning to live a life of honor.  Living a life that honors my dad, having integrity, character, and being a godly parent to my children.

I choose to see the good in my dad. His vibrant personality, and his ability to light up a room with his smile.  His great laugh.  His big heart.  His compassion for others.

And his believing that I could do anything.  

Happy Father's Day in Heaven, Dad.  I love you.

Christa <3