It's that time of year again...the time where we honor Fathers. Ever since I was a little girl, this has been difficult for me. My father was in prison for the majority of my life, and passed away a few years ago while still there.
When the other kids would make father's day crafts for their dad, it was hard. When other dads would come to my dance recital, but mine couldn't, it was hard. When my school plays came around, or proms, or graduation, it was hard. Like someone was missing, because he was.
Don't get me wrong, my dad loved me. This I know for sure. The amount of letters he wrote me was ridiculous, I wish I had been smart enough to save them. In my youth, I believed we had plenty of time. I was wrong.
He passed away at the federal prison of a massive heart attack. Just like that, at 50 years old and having the appearance of being healthy, he was gone. So close to being released, and we were both full of dreams and plans for him spending time with my kids. Spending time with me.
It has taken me time to figure out the purpose in this. I believe that I have a heavenly Father who has always watched over me, even when my earthly father didn't, couldn't. My husband is now a regular chaplain in the same prison my dad was in, God has weaved it all together and accomplished great things for His glory. But it is still hard.
When this time of year comes around, I tend to try and keep myself "busy", but it never fails. It always hits like a ton of bricks, and I just have to let it out.
I miss what I didn't have, but I am conviced I will see him again. I will live a life that shows my father honor, and make him proud. I will cherish the memories I DO have, and be thankful that I had a dad that cared about me with all he had, and loved me the best he knew how.
I will honor my amazing husband, who has shown me what a real man looks like, what a real father AND daddy looks like.
And I will consider myself blessed to know my Jesus, who never leaves and is always listening. <3
Love,
Christa <3
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