Just keep swimming...

"We are longing for the glory of the Lord, cause we know there's so much more..."

The beautiful voice of Kim Walker echoes through my house, as my ipod sits on it's speaker dock in our kitchen.  Little does she know, wherever she is, her words are speaking my heart.  

I sometimes daydream.  I daydream that I can run away, just me and my husband, kids and dog. We run away somewhere where it's always warm and sunny. Some place where money never runs out and no one gets upset. Where there's no frustration, no pressure. To a place where we can laugh, and dream, and love, and have no worries.  Nice daydream, huh?  

While I realize this is not realistic, it's nice to daydream.   :)

And yet here we are.  It's easy to take our focus off of where God has us, and think of other things.  There is so much to distract us.  To discourage us.  To take us off course.  So many waves.

Last night we had a date night.  Such a rare thing for us, sad to say.  And somehow, in the midst of our dinner, we had the idea to go get tattoos together.  I'm sure I had nothing to do with the idea.  Ok, maybe I had the idea first. But I did not twist any arms, I assure you.  

I felt led to get an anchor.  I saw a picture of one a while back, with the words, "I refuse to sink."  So I got a small anchor on my foot.  It hurt ALOT, by the way, but I am thankful for my choice, because it will be a great reminder that though things will come my way, and distractions will come, discouragement will come, I will not sink.  He is my anchor, I do not anchor myself.  

Today I was having one of those "moments", where I beat myself up.  And my husband looked at me, and said, "Just keep swimming."  I remembered the anchor, and looked down at my foot.  

And so I suck it up, shake off the dust, say a little prayer, and just keep swimming.

Just keep swimming.  I am gonna do just that.

Thinking, praying, hoping...

I love my husband!  Does he have faults?  Sure. Is he perfect? No.  Does he make mistakes?  Sometimes. But he has shown me more about the heart of Jesus than anyone else. God has shown me real love through this man.  

I struggle as a wife sometimes.  I give myself a hard time, almost all of the time. :)  I apologize to him, almost daily, because I realize that I am not the easiest person to live with.  Blame it on my dad being in prison my whole life, blame it on having an abusive stepdad, blame it on whatever you choose.  But I'm a little rough around the edges.  As Joyce Meyer has said, "An excuse is a reason wrapped up in a lie."  These are all excuses.  I have free will, and I have the choice to overcome, or settle down in negativity.

Love this scene from My Big Fat Greek Wedding  :)

The man is the head of the home, but the woman is the neck.  There is so much truth to this.  And it is not about manipulation.  It's about being a team, knowing your position, and playing it well.  Embracing your place with your whole heart.

As the neck, you have the ability to build up or tear down your husband.  You set the tone for your family.  Is my home going to be a place of peace or strife?  Of patience or frustration?  A place of gratefulness or complaining?  I don't always get this right but I find it to be so true.  After all, if mama aint happy...

Love,

Christa <3

Coming out of the fog

Deuteronomy 6:23  ~ But he brought us out from there to bring us in ...

I really felt compelled to blog today.  I pray that whoever chooses to read my ramblings recieves something from them :) 

The past 6 months have been particularly rough for me personally.  I have been following Jesus faithfully for the past 13 years, and am probably viewed by many as a stable, strong christian.  But I have truly been heavy laden, crushed almost, and have had a true awakening.  

Have you ever felt like you were in a fog?  Like you were going through motions, and like the movie "groundhog day" you were doomed to repeat this every day of your life?  I have been there. Without hope of change.  Without hope of another way.  And the saddest part, I didn't even realize I was in a fog.  A rut. A pit. Call it what you may, but I was there.  And while you are in this pit, you feel no one cares. Everything offends you.  Everyone is out to hurt you. Etc, etc, etc.  This came on me from disappointments, pain from hurtful accusations, being attacked and tested, being burnt and stabbed.  Before I knew it, I was wounded and lying in a ditch.

I was half a person, half a wife, half a mother. There, but not really there. Dried up, empty, mad and bitter. Everything annoyed me. What an ugly place to be!

Well I am thankful to say that in my darkest moment, Jesus led me out.  I am not really sure how it happened, but I cried out and He answered.  I heard His voice again, oh how sweet that is.  The written word is not enough, you must have His voice too.  They go together.  When you hear it, it's the most beautiful thing in the whole world.

He is ever patient with us. He is full of mercy and understanding.  

I am not responsible for others thoughts about me.  They are THEIR thoughts. Their opinions. Their issues.  NOT mine.  I am responsible to live a life of love for my Jesus, and that will reflect what He chooses to allow it to reflect.   Something I have learned is that people see you through their eyes, and they have been shaped by their own hurts, unforgiveness, and past.  What they see isn't always THE truth, but it's their perception.  And you cannot change people. Only God can, and their willingness to let Him do so.  Oh how freeing that is to me.   

If you need Him to lead you out, He is so able and willing to do so.  Sometimes it comes down to simply trusting Him.  He is good. His plans are good.  He's always been good. Just trust that.  

<3