And if not, He's still good

Lots on my heart lately...

Family...holidays approaching and the first year 1600 miles from home (and my mom, cause home is where your mom is)  

counting up the cost and remembering that He's so worth it even when it's not easy or comfortable 

Worries about kids and money and praying for grace to balance this crazy busy wonderful life- just keeping it real 

Being more intentional in pouring my life into our kids...not taking the "ordinary" for granted 

Sad and confused when my heart and prayers don't exactly line up with what I see with my eyes...casting doubt from my heart and mind daily- taking thoughts captive can be terribly exhausting but so necessary 

Amazed at how He knew a fear I had was that I would have no friendships after the move, I so despise loneliness...being a pastors wife is tough sometimes, but watching Him bring such beautiful people into my life and the lives of my husband and children...that not only fill a void but bless us and love us so big...having someone bless my child and show them real love makes my heart just about pop

Heavy heart for feeling misunderstood at times- but thankful for a God that knows my heart at all times when people do not

Easy to praise Him when we are in our comfort zones but not so easy when we are stripped of it... 

Hoping and praying He will show Himself faithful and true, but even if He doesn't do what I hope for, what I think I need...He is still good. 

He's always good and sweet and His acts of love are seen and felt in my heart. 

Learning to be content and grateful and thankful and walking in my grace for today :) 

Even if He doesn't, He's still good. Daniel 3:1-18

Christa<3 

Life more abundant

The Lord is good.  So, so good.

The past week has been a whirlwind, but so full of His goodness.

Thursday of last week, I taught alongside a great woman of God for two days.  We shared material from Lisa Bevere's, "Girls with Swords" book.  Such amazingly powerful stuff.  Life changing, if we are willing to grab onto the truth in the words.  Such a privelege to teach the word of God. I don't take it lightly, that's for sure.  Unqualified? Chief of sinners? Broken? Yes. But He's making me beautiful. And He loves to use broken things for His glory.

My mom, stepdad, and three sweet friends also decended into Amarillo for a visit.  My heart is so full!
I have heard it said that if you can count your true friends on one hand, you should consider yourself blessed.  I believe it.

I believe you appreciate your "people" more when you don't see them every day. I used to take that for granted. They are gifts to us. I see that more clearly these days.

So very grateful for the relationships that God gives. He loves us, oh how He loves us.

Lastly, I have been praying about jobs.  I have an online etsy shop, and it has been a blessing to our family for sure.  But I have felt the pull to pursue employment outside of the home.  It's a big step for me, and I'm super excited about it.  I start one of two (part time) jobs on Saturday, and will begin the other next week. I LOVE people, and can't wait to get out there and let my little light shine :)

There's always enough in Him. Abide. Always enough. Even when I feel dry, and alone, and empty.  Even when the hard times come. And when it feels my prayers hit the ceiling. I remind myself that He is present, always listening, doing what is best for me.

Always enough. Life more abundant.

Grateful!
Christa <3

If you don't quit, you win

"Don't give up, don't give in, if you don't quit, you win." -Misty Edwards

Song lyrics running through my head and heart this week.

Life can be messy.  Anytime people are involved, there is likely to be drama. We just can't help it, bless our hearts. :)

Disappointments come. Life hits. People hurt us. Sometimes intentional, and sometimes completely ignorant.

What should our response be?  To back up? To turn our love off?  Stop pushing forward? It's not easy to keep going. To push thorough.

I believe that God will guide us in rough times, as well as good.  I believe He will flag us (if we are listening) and let us know when something is unhealthy for us, whether it be a relationship or an action.

He is a good daddy and He wants us whole.

But I also believe we direct ourselves alot of the time, and think we are doing the right thing.

A few questions I think we can ask ourselves when dealing with a difficult situation and we are tempted to back up and quit...

Is this bringing me joy? (not temporary happiness, but JOY)

Am I bringing God glory in this?

Is this hindering my relationship with Him? 

Am I growing?  

This is my personal process.  It works for me.  And if something is not healthy for me, I am learning that I am valuable enough to determine what I allow in my borders.  Not because we don't care. But because we do.

But what if it isn't what He wants for us?  Emotions come and go. We can be red hot one minute, and ice cold the next.

What if we hung on just a bit longer- and something amazing was around the corner.  Only you and Him can determine what works for you- and if the timing is right.

He's a good, good daddy.  Trust Him.


Praying for patience today-
Christa <3

Be thou my vision

This old hymn comes on my Pandora station quite a bit.  Honestly, I had never heard it before, I didn't grow up in church consistently and I don't know many hymns.  I am realizing more and more how beautiful and powerful some of these older songs really are.... may we learn to honor the past and see God in all, not just our contemporary worship.  We might just miss something if we see Him only the way we think is true.

Hope it blesses you as much as it did me :)

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Be Thou my battle Shield, Sword for the fight;
Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight;
Thou my soul’s Shelter, Thou my high Tower:
Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

<3 Christa 

Just a little life eval :)

I’m Christa, wife to Kevin,  mama to three, and honestly, I’m a bit of a mess. It’s okay, really. His grace is the most amazing of all.

I thought after I (barely) graduated high school I'd go to college and be a kindergarten teacher. Run away from my hometown and never look back. 

I married a man who would later become a Pastor instead & chose the straight and narrow instead of the american dream. Stayed closeby and thought I'd never leave...until God said otherwise. 

I had babies. Three beautiful babies. I blinked and they are all growing up...fast. My laundry room is never empty. Neither is my dishwasher. I lose my train of thought and forget things often. I worry. I get anxious. I have to remind myself of His promises daily - and that what I am doing matters... Most days I feel just a tad bit overwhelmed and crazy.

I struggle with believing in myself. The pressure gets to me...often. It's much easier to encourage others and push them forward that to tell yourself the things you need to hear. 

I've been broken and mended and have seen His hand work in my tiny little life. It’s proof that God really does use broken, messed up, and fallible lives anyways. He's so good.

I like to write and to paint and to make things. Especially out of "broken" and "useless" things. It makes me feel closer to the One who created it all... Creativity takes courage.

My favorite thing is to see the smile of a child. To see their little faces light up when they know that you care.

I am seeking to live — and learning to see the sacred in the chaos,   

the Cross in the everyday, the flame in the bush.

I am learning that it is possible - possible to see Him in every detail.  In every smile, in every flower, in every butterfly.  

Possible to forgive and be forgiven. Possible to find kindred hearts and friendships that last and stand the test of time. 

And possible to embrace the new seasons and let go of the past, and chances to take on bitterness, without letting it mark you. To embrace my new identity and walk in the fullness of what He has called me to.  To finish well. 

I am grateful that He cares, and that He is with us always. He keeps His promises.

Looking forward to what is ahead,

<3 Christa

Will you catch me?

Taking a leap of faith is a crazy thing. It requires a moment of craziness I think. Depending on the size of the leap, it may require temporary insanity. Packing up a family of five, selling your home, giving away your pet, leaving a great church and precious family and friends, for what you believe God is saying.

Some stay far from the ledge because they are too afraid. Afraid of failure or disappointment.

Yep, a moment of crazy.

In many ways we are still in transition, even after 8 months. There are many times I must remind myself of His words spoken and the promises He made. The enemy wants to steal, kill and destroy every word and promise God has given. No one is exempt from his schemes. Especially not pastors and leaders.

What will it look like? How much farther? When will we see more fruit? Will the naysayers ever hush? How much longer, Lord?

I must remind myself daily to hold on, even when I don't know how. Like the blind man healed by Jesus. "Go and wash your eyes in the pool..." He had to find his way, even when he couldn't see fully.

It seems so dim, but one day He will make it clear. I believe it.

Do I worry that we will fall? Do I still have times of uncertainty? Doubts and anxiety over the future? Yes, I am human. But I know I have a good daddy who promises to catch me. And who gives us "sweet spots" along the way.

 I remember and I cling to the times God has tested my faith, and He has never abandoned me.

Gotten quiet? Yes. But still there.

Always there.

<3 Christa

Messy

So I titled this blog post "Messy".  I have been thinking alot the past few weeks about people.

God has given Kevin and I a heart for people that some would give up on. We believe that Jesus didn't come to die for programs, or coffee bars, fish stickers or pretty church signs. Jesus died for people.

People that have made mistakes, screwed things up, don't know their bible, can't quote scripture or bible stories because they never went to Sunday School and aren't really sure what this whole "church" thing is even about.

People that will forget that you tried to help them. People that bite you and spit at you and never say thank you.

People who HAVE grown up going to church but still screwed up the "following Jesus thing" because they didn't let it sink in deep and truly meet Jesus. Instead they looked at people and flesh and sin and gave up. Or they took for granted what was handed to them so freely.

People that don't really care what seat they sit in at church. What color the carpet is. Or which parking spot they get.

People who have fallen down 7 times, and stood up eight. And will probably fall again.

People that need someone, anyone to believe in them, that they can get it right and live to fight another day.

I didn't grow up attending church every Sunday.  I went in the summer for a week to Vacation Bible School to my grandparents church. I got a new dress for easter and we all went to hear my grandma sing.  I didn't know about David and Goliath or Mary and Martha or Judas.

I don't feel confident all the time. I lack faith sometimes. I struggle to keep going some days. I screw up. Alot.  I have to remind myself that He is enough - that His love is enough for me. I have to work a little harder than the life long church goer.

Does that make me less of a Christian?  Because I'm not "churched up?" Does it make me less important to Jesus?  No.  Just like those who still haven't heard the good news are no less important to His heart.  I believe so many of us forget that we are just as messy and dirty as the man on the street holding a cardboard sign.  As the stripper trying to make a living.  As the cashier at Walmart.  As the guy on the corner trying to sell drugs.

Because the Jesus I know looks at the heart, not at the outer appearance.  So let us take care in the way we look at others.  Let us not be quick to judge, but quick to love.  If we say we are christians, let us look like christians.

Love looks like something.  What does your love look like?  I want mine to be trench love. Messy, dirty, gutter love. That reaches without borders and limits. No gates love.  Even when it hurts.  

Because that is what His love looks like to me. He loved me even when I didn't love Him. And because of His love, I was drawn to Him.

<3 Christa