Dad.

Daddy.     Father.     Dad.

Each of those has had a sting to it - for me.

My dad was in prison for most of my life.  He passed away before being released, when my third child was very young.  None of my children remember him because they each only visited him a handful of times.

I grew up visiting prisons on the weekends.  It was my normal.  Most kids, if their father is active in their lives, go to his house, to the park, eat meals together.  Maybe he shows up to dance recitals or sports events, and he's usually at their birthday parties.

Mine wasn't. He was only out for a short time.... I remember fishing and going to the movies once. It wasn't long before he returned.

But he had a huge heart - and I know he carried the guilt and burden of his actions.  I always remember his faithful letters, he always apologized and talked of the future.  Taking my kids fishing, making up for lost time.

Promises to make things right.  

But we just aren't promised time.  Or tomorrow. We aren't even promised our next breath. We have no idea how many days we really have.  And we put off things just assuming that there is plenty of time.

I have many regrets with my dad....

I wished I hadn't ignored so many of his calls.

I wish I had written him more.

That I hadn't judged him so harshly.

I wish I hadn't had a wall up to protect myself.  I only hurt myself in the end.

It's a terrible thing to wish you could change things. I'd have loved more, even though it hurt.  I'd have said things that I felt but held back.  I'd have taken my kids to see him, regardless of what others may say or think.

But most of all, I'd have forgiven him sooner.  And made sure he knew, that I knew, that he did the best he could.  That I was sad at how things turned out. But I wasn't angry at him.

If you have your dad in your life, I encourage you.  Tell him you love him.

If you are a Dad - do it with all your heart.  Be present.  Be awake.  Be intentional.
You are more important than you realize. 

We all have our stories. Some are tougher than others...

Maybe your Dad's not perfect.  Maybe he's made mistakes.  Maybe he had a poor example, was wounded himself, or just plain missed the mark.

Maybe he truly hurt you and you don't see how to forgive him.  We hold onto things thinking it somehow protects us - really it causes the pain to settle in deeper.  Try to let it go... I promise you'll feel better.  Jesus can take the burdens - and his yoke is easy, his burden is light. It's such a sweet exchange.

Maybe your dad is wonderful.  Maybe he's amazing and never missed an awards assembly, field trip or game.  Or maybe he's worked hard for your family and you never saw him too much.  He's still human though, we all are. Only one Father is truly perfect.  

What has helped me in my process is learning to live a life of honor.  Living a life that honors my dad, having integrity, character, and being a godly parent to my children.

I choose to see the good in my dad. His vibrant personality, and his ability to light up a room with his smile.  His great laugh.  His big heart.  His compassion for others.

And his believing that I could do anything.  

Happy Father's Day in Heaven, Dad.  I love you.

Christa <3

Believe

When you don't see what you hope for.  It's there - just clouded.

When they aren't sorry for the pain they've caused.  Know that we all reap what is sown.

When you pray and pray and He seems so quiet.  He's listening.

Believe.

When you feel helpless.  Sometimes we must be still and let Him work.

When your dreams seem so very far away.  Hold on to them.

When you are lonely.  He will bring you who you need.

Believe.

When you aren't sure if you're doing the right thing.  Just do the next thing.

When you are filled with regret and wish you could change things.  Just let go.

When they think they know, but they only have partial information.  He knows.

Believe.

When it looks like others' prayers are answered, but not yours.  It's coming.

When the wilderness just won't let you go.  Put one foot in front of the other.

When wounds won't seem to heal.  Sometimes it's just a slow process.

Believe in these things...

Jesus is steady. Jesus is faithful. Jesus is honest.  Jesus is true.
He never lets go. He never lets down.

He doesn't back away when it gets messy.  He stays in the mess with you. He isn't afraid of your issues, and He can handle it.

He is real love. He is present.  He sees you and He sees me, and He hears every cry and He catches every tear.

Some of us know these things to be true. But we get caught up in life and junk and we doubt and we forget.

Some of us have been let down so much and hurt so badly that we doubt Him to be true... and He understands that too. But He isn't content with that belief - He wants to shake down your walls and come in with His love.  

He CAN heal our hurts. I believe it.  I am no where near where I used to be - but not yet where I want to be.  It's a process, and as much as I wish it were a quick fix...it just isn't.
But it will be worth it in the end.

May He be felt by you today. Let us open our hearts to love. To forgiveness and faith.  
Be washed in His word. Read it. Remind yourself of what He says.

"...Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience." Romans 8:24-25

Keep pushing, keep going. Be encouraged.

Believe.

<3 Christa