I am not brave. Actually, I'm afraid.
What? She's afraid? Yes I am. Terrified at times.
I am not brave on my own.
When I was little, I remember being afraid of the dark.
I would imagine all sorts of things scurrying around on the floor, under my bed, in the closet.
Things I couldn't see or predict or control.
When will I learn that life is not predictable? That I just can't make sense of things that come my way?
My humanness craves predictability and routine. Comfort. My mind says that if I can just make sense of things- then somehow things are okay.
We say things like- "things happen for a reason"- and "it's part of His plan"- etc.
what if the only reason is for His glory?
The promise isn't that we wouldn't go through things- the promise is that we wouldn't walk alone.
As people watch me walk this journey- a concern has been heavy on my heart. That I have the appearance as strong. Unafraid. Brave. Unrealistic.
I just want to clarify- I am going through something awful and scary and hard. It's not fun. I have to choose joy- peace- hope- every single day. Every hour. And without the presence of Jesus in my heart and life I would have already lost my mind. Not even kidding.
I'm a scared little girl with a measure of faith that is being tested and I will grow in this process. Isn't that what having courage is really about? Being afraid but doing it anyway?
Some feel fear and stop in their tracks. Pull the covers over their heads and hide.
Then there are those of us who choose to take a deep breath- kick fear in the teeth and turn on the light.
Because just like the Samaritan woman at the well- john 4- he meets us where we are. In our shame, our fear and our humanness. That's who He is. The present God- with us and beside us and hand in hand with us. He seeks us out.
"Give me a drink..." John 4:7
Whatever you're facing, do it afraid. He's with you.
Much love,
Christa ❤️
