Goodbye 2016.

2016, you were a hard one. 

I have said that 2014 was my hardest year. Cancer was no fun.

But 2016 takes the prize. 

Hard times and lots of saying goodbye. So much change. Lots of bitter. 

But I remember- There was also sweet...

My beautiful friends visited us all the way from Haiti. 

I received a clear mammogram. 

I attended my first Women's Ramp and was forever changed. 

I had lots of proud mama moments. 

I learned to count my blessings.

My marriage- my family - became my most precious gift to me. A gift worth fighting for.

I embraced a new home. New job. New church.

I realized I'm stronger than I used to believe. That I can walk through the fire. 

I have chosen to let go instead of clinging to a past I can't change. Forgiveness is the key.

I honor the lessons- blocking out the past will not help me learn. 

Most of all- I know who I am. And that I don't need a human to validate me. I have my Fathers approval and love. 

2016 didn't break me, and I'm grateful for the lessons learned. I will use them as fuel for my future. I will fight the fear of being broken again, because I know that will hold me back from pursuing my dreams. 

I will still dream, and I will still believe. 

Here's to 2017. You will be the best one yet. 

❤️Christa 

The hard stuff.

Being a parent is hard. 

I remember being about 15 and in a child development class in school, and thinking, I am NEVER having kids.

It just seemed like too much responsibility. Too much commitment. Sharing my stuff? Going without? No thanks, people. 

Too hard. 

I mean, I wanted my ME time. My money, my space, my life. I wanted to shop for myself. Do what I wanted. Sleep until I wanted. 

Ha! Seems hilarious to think about now. 

Just a selfish teenager with small dreams. That's who I was. God had other plans. 

Here I am, 3 kids later, and like many other parents I could never imagine my life without them. 

Without them taking my money. My space. My time. My heart. 

They made me better. Stronger and wiser. More tender and soft. 

I want so badly to protect them. From the crazy world. From being hurt and let down. But I just can't. I hate that, but sometimes we are just so helpless. We just have to stand by and watch as they go through heartbreak and struggle. 

Here's the thing. We are helpless. As much as we hate to admit it. We are unable to prevent hardship or sickness from coming to ourselves or our children. We can't stand guard 24/7 over their hearts and minds. And we can't force them to make the right choice. 

But we CAN do something. We can pray. 

We can pray and believe. We can stay prayed up and close to Jesus, and when they come to us for guidance or encouragement, we can be ready. Ready to speak life and love. And most of all we can pray they turn to Jesus. Not just for the hard times but for the good times too. 

That might not seem like much, or feel like much. Because we all wish we could do more. But all we can do is our best. And our best is always good enough, no matter how small it might feel. 

❤️Christa 

What does a Christian look like?

I've been in a season the past 5 months unlike any other I've experienced. It has forced me to reevaluate everything I believe to be true.

 About God, about truth, about Church, about Christians. 

About how I treat others. And what I allow in my life. About my worth.

I have never claimed to know it all. But I do believe I have met Jesus, and know Him as not only my best friend but also my savior. My rescuer. The one who speaks peace to my heart. 

I also know him as the one with eyes of fire. When I am out of line,harboring bitterness or ugliness, he nudges me. Lovingly, but firm. With "good" reason or with none at all, he convicts my heart and urges me to let it go. To make things right. Because that's who he is. 

For each of us that follow Him. 

I believe that God is good. No matter what the situation looks like. His goodness doesn't change and His love doesn't either. He's just as passionate about me when I fall than he is when I stay on the path.

I believe he hurts when we hurt, that it pains him when we hurt one another.  

I also believe in the church. Despite its flaws. It's beautiful. And it's through connection we are healed. Doing life together, loving one another. Pulling one another up when we need a helping hand. 

I try my hardest to stay near his heart, because I believe it's the only way to truly love people. I constantly look my heart over, looking for dark spots so I can hand them over to the one that can change me. I don't always follow through. I'm not perfect. But I try.  

So when I see or hear of Christians mistreating one another, I believe that's wrong. 

We are required to love. It's not an option. It's biblical.  It's a command. 

What does that look like? 

Well. Here's what I believe it doesn't look like....

Degrading someone because their choices aren't what you think they should be. 

Gossiping about another because they struggle. 

Seeing someone and completely avoiding them because they aren't on your level. 

Regarding someone to their past. 

Leaving a brother or sister in the ditch because you want to keep your hands clean. 

Being silent when your words could change everything. 

Here's what I've seen and believe to be true Christianity...

Being joyful in suffering.

Choosing to do the right thing even when it's hard. 

Repenting and forgiving. And letting go.

Receiving bad news and still looking out for others. 

Loving someone through their dark times. 

Seeing potential, seeing the diamond. 

Not giving up on someone in the rough patch. 

Speaking life. 

Spreading hope when it looks bleak. 

I believe we can be good to each other. 

I want Him to recognize me when He returns. 

Let us be awakened to love. 

❤️Christa 

Things I'd tell my newlywed self.

Oh hey self. 

You're looking pretty excited and scared and in love. 

Hard times will come, good times will come, and I need you to listen. 

Your eyes light up when he's around and butterflies when you talk about him and when you talk about your future. Remember this. 

The days with pagers instead of cell phones and the late night "143"... Remember this. 

Walking down the aisle and being shaky and hopeful and hearing George Straight singing and saying "I do..." Remember this. 

When the first baby comes (and the second and third...) and you see how much they look like you and him, and you see what a miracle God made, and that he used you both... The feeling doesn't have words. Remember this. 

When the fights come and go... And come again... And he wraps his arms around you and wipes your tears away... The times he cries with you... Remember this. 

When the first house is built... And he works so hard to build a life for your family... Countless hours at his job and lonely times for you both, but with a goal in mind... Remember this. 

When the lump is found, and you tell him... He held you and prayed with you and wiped your tears. When the diagnosis comes he stands with you and though his knees buckle at times, he stays and helps carry the burden. Remember this. 

When people come and go, and life takes you to new places, the love grows and it doesn't leave. He teaches you about love and what it really looks like, and it's not only a feeling. It's a choice. A decision. Remember this. 

Love isn't earned - it's given. Because we were saved by love that hung on a cross. It wasn't earned, it was freely given. 

Remember this. 

Don't give up on love. If it's broken, fix it. If it's dry, water it. If it's hard, pray through it. 

Remember this.

Love, 

Your future self 

Sometimes we miss it.

Sometimes we miss it. As Christians. 

We are called to be light and salt. Ambassadors of love. And some of us really try. But we just are short some days. 

Some of us discount people...there's always more to a person than what meets the eye. Look again. 

Some shoot their wounded instead of binding their wounds. Or casting them off- afraid of getting dirty.  In the name of Jesus... Not really understanding that one. 

My family has entered a new season. It's different from any other season we've been in, and we've had to take a lot of hits to the heart. 

The pain and hurt from some has been countered with love and compassion from others. 

But we have not kept pushing forward without being pressed on every side. 

We have had to set our gaze and determine in our hearts that Jesus is better- better than any persons approval. Better than a microphone or recognition. 

Better than being seen by man. 

This is not easy or simple. It's a daily choice. To be content in the season. 

Knowing Jesus and letting everything that prevents us from seeing Him be burnt away. 

Christians are gonna miss it sometimes- myself included. And when that happens, let's not pretend we didn't. Fake it. Be self righteous and make excuses. 

And if you've been hurt by Christians- I'm sorry. I'm sorry and I pray you'll remember we are just humans and most of us are really trying. The enemy gets the best of all of us some days. 

Please don't give up on God and his plans for you. 

Let's forgive and get it right the next time. Grow in love and grace. 

Let's learn to love. He's watching ❤️

I shall not want.

"When I taste your goodness, I shall not want."

Think about the times you've felt content. Like, really satisfied.

Being full after a great meal. 

Sleeping in after a longggg stretch of getting up early. 

The first sip of a great cup of coffee. 

The first time the baby sleeps through the night. 

The feeling after you get into a perfect bubble bath. 

Getting into bed with clean sheets... 

Content. 

What does it mean to be content? 

Content: (adjective) satisfied with what one is or has; not wanting more or anything else.

Looking around at my life, I feel I have been mostly content. Sure, things have not always been perfect. But I've been satisfied with my life. Little or much. I'm grateful. For my kids, for my husband and for the relationships I've been given. 

There is such power is choosing gratefulness and contentment. 

The two times I've been extremely discontent were two seasons that I did not ask for. They were thrown on me and I didn't have a say. I thought somebody would stand up and speak. They didn't. Decisions were made for me. People made choices for me. Things should have been different. 

Been there? So many have. It's no fun. 

And my heart broken. 

But guess what? I am learning that you can be content in these moments too. Choosing contentment is just that- a choice. 

Even though circumstances aren't ideal, I can be content. 

My heart may be heavy, but I can be content. 

People come and go. I can be content. 

Things change, and Jesus remains. 

That's why I am content. Because He does not leave or turn away. He's steady and faithful and when everything around me falls- He is true. 

When I'm mistreated by people I thought I could trust- He remains. 

When my surroundings change unexpectedly- Jesus remains. 

When health reports come and they aren't what we wish they were - Jesus remains. 

And I believe this with all my heart... That being content is tied to being a good forgiver.

There is always a need to forgive, always someone that has hurt us, knowingly or not. Doing this keeps our heart in a position of contentment, and rest. This is freedom. 

And there is nothing that justifies holding on to your offense. Nothing so terrible or awful. It's just not worth hanging on to. 

Because - Jesus can wash anything. His blood speaks a better word. 

What if we just decided to stop wishing for more? For something different? 

What if our "now" has purpose in shaping us and growing us? Making us stronger. It does. 

Believing in what's coming, but being content in my now. 

❤️Christa 

Guard your heart.

"Keep vigilant watch over your heart; that's where life starts." 

Proverbs 4:23 The Message

This has been my favorite verse since I met Jesus. I have read it over and over, shared it with others, spoke messages on it...it is very powerful and I promise will change your life - if applied fully. 

If you've ever been in a season where you or your family has been under spiritual attack, this verse becomes more of a command than a suggestion. It is a must- for your protection as well as your sanity. 

To move forward and to break any ties that the enemy could use to hinder or draw you backwards- you must be willing to cut away- a clean sweep- even things you have loved and held dear. 

Why? Because Jesus is better- and his plans are better. 

Don't be afraid or unwilling to reevaluate your life. You are worth it. 

Relationships, attitudes, habits. Lay it all out and ask yourself what needs to go. 

You'll take criticism. You'll be judged and talked about and misunderstood. 

It's ok. 

Questions to ask if you aren't sure...

Is it life giving?

Does it encourage my heart? 

Could it be a distraction from my future? 

Does it weigh me down? 

These are my bars. Anything that leads to negativity or death- it goes. 

Some of this hurts. Some- not so much.

But Jesus is better. I know He is. 

Moving on ❤️

Christa