I'm not brave.

There. I said it. 

I am not brave. Actually, I'm afraid. 

What? She's afraid? Yes I am. Terrified at times. 

I am not brave on my own. 

When I was little, I remember being afraid of the dark. 

I would imagine all sorts of things scurrying around on the floor, under my bed, in the closet. 

Things I couldn't see or predict or control. 

When will I learn that life is not predictable? That I just can't make sense of things that come my way?

My humanness craves predictability and routine. Comfort. My mind says that if I can just make sense of things- then somehow things are okay. 

We say things like- "things happen for a reason"- and "it's part of His plan"- etc. 

what if the only reason is for His glory? 

The promise isn't that we wouldn't go through things- the promise is that we wouldn't walk alone. 

As people watch me walk this journey- a concern has been heavy on my heart. That I have the appearance as strong. Unafraid. Brave. Unrealistic. 

I just want to clarify- I am going through something awful and scary and hard. It's not fun. I have to choose joy- peace- hope- every single day. Every hour. And without the presence of Jesus in my heart and life I would have already lost my mind. Not even kidding. 

I'm a scared little girl with a measure of faith that is being tested and I will grow in this process. Isn't that what having courage is really about? Being afraid but doing it anyway? 

Some feel fear and stop in their tracks. Pull the covers over their heads and hide. 

Then there are those of us who choose to take a deep breath- kick fear in the teeth and turn on the light. 

Because just like the Samaritan woman at the well- john 4- he meets us where we are. In our shame, our fear and our humanness. That's who He is. The present God- with us and beside us and hand in hand with us. He seeks us out. 

                    "Give me a drink..." John 4:7

Whatever you're facing, do it afraid. He's with you. 

Much love,

Christa ❤️

Bear one anothers' burdens

Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2

I just want to take a moment to say how thankful I am to all of you. 

Thankful for your words.

Thankful for your encouragement.

Thankful for your prayers and thoughts and tears. 

Thankful for it all.  

Until you are on this side of something like this- you just don't know how much of a difference it all makes.  I can't even express my appreciation - there aren't any words.  

We are called to lift one another up - I believe this is not only a calling from scripture- but a duty of the human race - to react when we know another is hurting, to DO something, whatever that looks like.  

Sometimes it's forgiveness. Letting go. Because this stuff sure makes you see what is REALLY important. 

And sometimes it is a quiet prayer with a pure heart- and God sees that too.  

Thank you for reacting- in whatever way.  

Are some reactions tough to take? Sure.  Are some awkward in their response? LOL  sure they are. Because some things we just don't know what to say. Or do. And I get that.    

Because we know there just aren't any words sometimes that are sufficient.  

But- it's the posture of the heart that counts.  And that is what God sees.  

So thank you.  Love does.  And love isn't love until you give it away.  There are so many that are thirsty for love- seek them out today.  Stop for the one today. Everyone has tough days- weeks-months-years...

 One day you just might be the one in need of that love.  You reap what you sow.

I have prayed for others many times- have been the one on the other side  - and now I appreciate it so much more.  

He is the God who doesn't just take away our suffering. But He is the God who enters into it.

Much love <3 
Christa 

Asking for your prayers.

I have prayed and thought and prayed and thought about doing this blog.
I really feel that this is the easiest way to get communication out to a large group of people.

I know many of you have been praying for me, and have been asking if I'm okay. I appreciate your love and concern more than you know. We haven't said anything until now because we just weren't sure.

 There's just no easy way to share this...

I have been diagnosed with breast cancer.  I have a good prognosis- it is "early stage" and the doctors feel it has been discovered at the best time.

I just wasn't feeling "myself" for a few months now....hormones, as well as a lump I discovered in October.

I am still coming to terms with all of this - it has been challenging to say the least - but my faith in God is not shaken.  I believe that He will work all things together for my good- and those affected- and that He will get glory from this.

I pray that you won't feel hurt if I haven't shared this with you "face to face"... it is a difficult thing to share. I appreciate your understanding.  The support system He has given is so precious to us.

It will be a long process- but I'm a fighter, and refuse to be broken.

I pray that my little life will shine for Him through the process.  No matter what it looks like.

I ask you to pray and believe with me for complete healing and for my family to be covered with His mercy and love and peace.  Thank you in advance.

I love you and am thankful for those God has blessed me to be in relationship with.

Count your blessings, name them one by one :)

<3 Christa

He knew

Hey friends. 

Have had a Misty Edwards song in my heart for a few days now. 

"I knew what I was getting into when called you.

I knew what I was getting into when I said your name, but I said it just the same.
I knew what I was getting into and I still want you.
I knew what I was getting into.

I knew what I was getting into and I still chose you.
I knew what I was getting into and I still want you.
I knew what I was getting into when I said your name, but I said it just the same.
I knew what I was getting into.

And I am not shocked by your weakness.
And I am not shocked even by your sin.
And I am not shocked by your brokenness."

My prayer is and has been, "whatever it looks like." I want Him to be glorified in me. But when life hits you and you didn't expect it- the prayer is harder to stay submitted to. It gets harder - and harder - to walk your path- it was carved out just for you. It gets harder to trust- does He really see? Is He turning a deaf ear? It gets harder to hear- and know- that He's walking right beside you- holding your hand. He's in the waiting- and He's not shocked by our questions and doubts. 

He can handle it. 

Isn't that so wonderful? He's not mad or shocked or disappointed that we question our situation- He just wants us to learn and grow and lean. He knew what He was getting into. And we aren't "too much" for Him. He can handle all of our hurts and doubts and past. And He is more than able to carry us. 

Remember that today friends. And remember He still answers prayers. Believe it.

❤️ Christa 

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kIAPM46dYPY&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DkIAPM46dYPY 

A stripper Christmas... What???

Did I get your attention? :)

Love does. It isn't love unless you give it away. And it looks like something.

It looks like children that can't eat dinner unless you take food to their house.

It looks like buying sausage biscuits for the homeless men on the corner. 

It looks like children giving to other children- and learning what it truly means to give. 

It looks like forgiving the grudge and letting go and blessing instead of cursing. And in turn you bless yourself. 

It looks like an idea- to DO something about the things you think about- not overthinking it but just doing. 

Love in action.

Last February we had lived here in amarillo for about 6 weeks. I was saddened by the amount of strip clubs their were in the city. My hometown only had one to my knowledge-and the effort to close it was consistent. But here in amarillo there are quite a few.

So many. Too many.

I had the idea- what if we bless, bless instead of curse? Love instead of judge? Look upon with compassion instead of with haughty eyes?

So I threw the idea and my heart behind it out to my leaders. Leaders who don't just read the bible, about Jesus... They walk it out in plain view for all to see. 

They blessed it and gave funds to it, and off we were. We made approx 60 bags and distributed them to several of the clubs for valentines day. They had nail polish, lotions, lip gloss, candy and a card attached with the contact info for our churches. The card read "there could never be a more beautiful you." 

We never heard a word back. And we were prepared for that. Because love doesn't keep record- or expect a response. Love just DOES.

This November we presented the idea again- to bless these girls for Christmas. Those who are only looked at for lust and performance. To remind them that there is ONE who sees deeper than their skin. A good Daddy who loves them for who they are- not what they can do.

A friend who knows the owner of some of the clubs we went to shared that when she spoke with him a few weeks ago- he wasn't happy with us. She asked why- he replied...

"I don't know what you put in those bags, but two of my best dancers quit after getting them." 

He doesn't want us to come back. 

We gathered last night and made 99 bags. We didn't mean to make 99- it just happened. But God knew. 

"Look at it this way:if someone has 100 sheep and one if them wanders off, doesn't he leave the 99 and go after the one? Andif he finds it, doesn't he make far more over it than the 99 who stay put? Your father in Heaven feels the same way. He doesn't want to lose even one." Matthew 18:12-14

He doesn't want to lose even one. 

This Christmas, stop for the one. Act on the idea. Do something for someone. It might not be a stripper, but it might be. It might be a family member. It might be a stranger. Just do it.

Love does,

Christa ❤️

Holiday happenings

Oh the busyness of life. I am sitting at home on a Saturday evening and taking a breath. Subbing at schools, working in ministry, children's practices, creating pretties and shipping out orders, and the day to day family stuff - laundry, school work, sibling rivalry- can suck your joy if you aren't careful.

And it's too easy to let that happen. Too easy to miss the small stuff- that is really the big stuff. 

Jesus is in it all if we take the time to see Him. Always working, interceding on our behalf. For those that trust in Him.

In the plans that don't work out like we hoped, in the sudden discovery of blockages and open heart surgery of a loved one, and in the fear of what the future holds. And the doubt too. 

What do you do for your first Christmas away from "home"? I wondered this as the holidays approached and realized it's what you make it. It's different, yes. But seasons come and they go and love is what matters. 

What do you do? The same as all of us.

You keep going. And you smile and you laugh because joy is strength for today and tomorrow. You find time where there seems to be none- to make gingerbread trains and look at Christmas lights and make candy and cookies. 

You fight for a sense of normal and you balance the imbalance-.for there is grace for this season and more importantly - for today. And it's so with fighting for. 

 I am thankful for my sweet family and the faithful God we serve. 

❤️ Christa 

 

And if not, He's still good

Lots on my heart lately...

Family...holidays approaching and the first year 1600 miles from home (and my mom, cause home is where your mom is)  

counting up the cost and remembering that He's so worth it even when it's not easy or comfortable 

Worries about kids and money and praying for grace to balance this crazy busy wonderful life- just keeping it real 

Being more intentional in pouring my life into our kids...not taking the "ordinary" for granted 

Sad and confused when my heart and prayers don't exactly line up with what I see with my eyes...casting doubt from my heart and mind daily- taking thoughts captive can be terribly exhausting but so necessary 

Amazed at how He knew a fear I had was that I would have no friendships after the move, I so despise loneliness...being a pastors wife is tough sometimes, but watching Him bring such beautiful people into my life and the lives of my husband and children...that not only fill a void but bless us and love us so big...having someone bless my child and show them real love makes my heart just about pop

Heavy heart for feeling misunderstood at times- but thankful for a God that knows my heart at all times when people do not

Easy to praise Him when we are in our comfort zones but not so easy when we are stripped of it... 

Hoping and praying He will show Himself faithful and true, but even if He doesn't do what I hope for, what I think I need...He is still good. 

He's always good and sweet and His acts of love are seen and felt in my heart. 

Learning to be content and grateful and thankful and walking in my grace for today :) 

Even if He doesn't, He's still good. Daniel 3:1-18

Christa<3