Letting go

We're baaaaacccckkkk :)

Saturday we arrived back in Amarillo, after a week long visit in Virginia.  It had been almost 6 months since our move, and lots of emotions ran through our family.  We were excited to see our loved ones and visit our old stomping grounds.  And we were a little apprehensive about visiting our former church, and new pastors.  I decided to just let go and trust God (easier said than done).  Oh He is so, so good and right on time.

Never early and never late.

Always on time.

The church is as beautiful as ever, and the new shepherds are placed by His hand.  The church is glowing and being the light they are called to be.  Such a testimony that God works all things together for the good of those that love Him, and are called according to His purpose.  We were so blessed while there, and got some sweet family time with some who are moving and shifting.  Grateful for those who came to spend time with us.

Right on time.

All this said, I became aware that I hadn't let go of my last season.  The worry about those without a shepherd kept me and Kevin up at night, many times.  I realized that I could now let go, and became filled with peace and knowledge that it never really was about us, but about Him and His plan.  I am refreshed and ready to run into what He has for me an my family.

He gives grace for the season we are in.  He places relationships that we need and crave. He sets the solitary in families.  He is just so sweet.

I am so grateful for the sweet presence of Jesus.  There are times when we just need to remember - and reflect- and thank Him for the past.  And then we must let go and move forward into the new, and trust that He has all under His watchful heart.

Looking forward to what this new season brings.

<3 Christa

Take a moment

Take a moment to remember
Who God is, and who I am
There You go, lifting my load again
     -Will Reagan & United Pursuit Band

Sometimes you need to take a moment.  Life is such a fast moving thing, and we just fall in with the to and fro of it all, running here and there and being caught in the flow.  Most of us don't really know how to slow down, and sometimes it takes something drastic to make us stop.  For me, it is being alone that causes me to quiet down and just be.

My love is on his annual trip across the country to honor our veterans, POWs and MIAs, both past and present, participating in Rolling Thunder and Run for the Wall.  It involves being away from us for weeks, and gives me alot of time by myself.

I used to HATE him being away. It left me heavy hearted and lonely and miserable. Bitter, even.  Why does he get to do everything while I'm stuck here?  Cleaning, taking care of things, keeping the home moving and the kids taken care of. Blah, blah, blah.

I have finally come to the realization (and still am getting there) that I need these times just as much as he does.  We all need time to our selves to quiet down our busy minds and just be.

My dad passed a few years back, after being in prison for most of my life.  For so long I wanted him, his attention, his validation. Wanted to know he was proud of me. Wanted to have him at my dance recitals. My softball games. Just wanted to have him in public with me, so that other kids would know that I actually had a dad.  But those days never came, and the most we had were picnics inside a barbwire fence and games of rummy. (He actually taught me to play pretty well:) )  This left a huge void in my life, and after marrying my husband and beginning the process of healing I realized how terrified I was to be alone.

How do you heal from such pain? One day at a time. One moment, one breath at a time.

I pray sometimes that God will help me to recall the few "good" memories I had with my dad. Yesterday He gave me one that was so sweet and I have never thought of it before.  A lady on klove radio was talking about her grandpa, and how she related God to her relationship with him, because when she walked in the room, he would light up. No matter what, she never had to "do" anything, he just lit up, just because she was there.  She shared how she knew that's how God felt about us, that we never had to perform, or act for Him. He just loved us. Just because. And when we walked into the room, He lit up, every time.

This moved me so. I cried in the car, and I remembered the times I would go with my grandma to maximum security prisons to visit my dad. We would go through the process of pat down, metal detectors, locked doors and riding in vehicles to get to the innermost parts for visitation.  And we would go through the final door of the visiting room, and there he was. And when I would come in the room, he would light up like I was the best thing on earth. Like no one else was there, and nothing else mattered.

Why would God allow me this memory? It's because He loves me like that, and He wants me to know it.  To know it deep.  

These moments in my life are few and far between, but when they come I am learning to stop and take a moment. Take a moment to remember who God is and who I am. That He cares about me, and every detail matters to Him.

And there He is, taking my load again. So faithful, and in my moment with me. He is returning me to what I was meant to be, healed and whole and able to love.

Christa <3

What a week

Almost Friday, almost the end of a stressful week in America.

On Monday, bombs went off at the Boston Marathon, reminding us that evil is real and sadness too.  Fear grips the hearts of so many and stories fill the media.  There continue to be news reports, about abortion doctors and blood and hatred and murder and explosions and sadness and loss. A pull for followers of Christ always exists - a pull to answer the question -

"Where do I stand?"  

I have searched my heart for answers. I am sure that as an american, a mom, a daughter, a cousin, a sister, that I would want an answer if I lost someone in such a violent way.  Would I be angry? Sure.

And I would want answers to the questions of WHY and HOW and what are we gonna do?  Revenge can easily stir in the hearts of those who are wronged.  But the call is always the low road.  Our flesh and emotion will always want the higher ground - to stand up and fight, to shout louder, to hit harder.

But is that always the answer?  Shouldn't our response always be Christ?  Not silent and small, or ignorant, or in a corner huddled in fear.  But strong in the knowledge of who He is and who we are in Him.

Strong in the knowing  that He has all things in His hand, and will take care of them in His perfect time.

We know that there is a time to speak, and a time to be silent.  There is a time for everything, according to Ecclesiastes 3.  And when we are asked for our stance, for our heart, may we all be ready.  And quick to embrace and be a refuge for those in need. 

I cannot put it any better than Ann Voskamp, author of 1000 Gifts did.

"For Christ followers, it's more than being pro-choice and pro-life - it's about always being pro-the-least-of-these."  

That just about sums it up.  There's no better time to LOVE.  And love for real.

<3 Christa

Footsteps

I heard a life changing word this weekend and just HAVE to share with you.
Maybe it will shine a light in your heart and bring a little encouragement. :)

I am BLESSED beyond measure to have such amazing leadership in my life.  I never knew how important it really was to have godly strong people speaking into me.  I pray I never take it for granted again. I don't know where I'd be without it...don't even wanna know.

Sitting under our Bishop and brother this Sunday, I heard his heart and deep cry. A heart for the body of Christ to come back to the heart of God.  To see Him as abba and daddy and not just a church service once a week or month or year.  A cry to see this generation come back to the Lord, really back to Him, and seek Him in prayer and devotion.



And then I heard another share a word given to him about "footsteps."  He shared that as he came to the end of himself, and cried out for change and strength to leave the past behind - REALLY behind - and despair at the thought of skeletons coming out of his closet and continuing to hold him back from what God wanted him to be and do.

He said that as he cried out he felt the Lord come and sit beside him in his vehicle. And the Lord directed him to the last verse of Psalm 23.

                    "...surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life...."

AHHHHHHHHHH!  How many times have I beat my head against the wall, hopeless and depressed and sad?  Wishing I would have known earlier that I was meant to change the world? That I had purpose and reason for living?  That I was loved NO MATTER WHAT and where I'd been?

It ISN'T the skeletons rattling, and it ISN'T the enemy on my tail.  It ISN'T my past or old demons or mistakes chasing me down, waiting for me to fall.

It's goodness and mercy, following me.  It's HIS promise to be present and always there.  My gratefulness for this revelation to my heart just can't fully be expressed on a blog or in words, but I am so happy to have a GOOD FATHER who knows my heart even when I can't speak it.

Hope you hear those footsteps today and every day too :)

<3  Christa

A little McBride Update

It's been a bit since my last blog- whew! Time flies when you're having fun :)

We have been here in Texas for 3 months already. God has been so good to us!

We are revitalizing a church here in Amarillo, and our hearts are already knit with this City.  We have been painting, cleaning, freshening up and working hard to prepare a place for others to meet Jesus. God has put together a worship team and we are so excited for the future.

Our first outreach was to the area Strip Clubs for Valentines Day- God put on my heart to reach out to the forgotten and overlooked- the women's ministries of Christian Heritage Church and Grace Church got together and made 60 sweet little gift bags of candy, lip gloss, nail polish, etc. with the tag that said, "You're beautiful" and our church names and numbers. We dropped them off before the clubs opened for the day- without pointing fingers or hitting them over the head with a Bible. Just tangible love - wrapped up in a little bag.

We are planning an Easter Family Fun Day at the park across from the church on March 30.  We will have thousands of eggs, games, giveaways, and lots of fun for the adults and kids. This is not a gimmick- it is simply a tool to break down walls and love on people.  We believe Jesus died not for programs and church buildings- Jesus died for people and we have to be willing to get out of our little bubbles and go to them. We are so excited about what God is doing.

In our personal lives, we have been challenged, pressed, pushed, and provoked to more of Him. I truly believe, as a great friend once told me, that obedience brings blessing.  But I also realize that blessing may not always look like we think it should.  We may look for the money, or the feel good of the moment, while God may be sending something disguised as suffering or discomfort that is really a blessing.  "Blessed are you when you are persecuted for my sake..."   

Not everyone has been over the moon to have us here :)  Believe it or not, some really love the way "things have always been" and aren't too excited about the boat being rocked.

I realize that we are not the cookie cutter preacher and preacher's wife.  And I am truly okay with that.  We know that our message will be sweet to some and sour to others.....that we will challenge and provoke some.  We are learning to be alright with who we are and embrace our anointing.  Walking in love and obedience to the best of our ability.  Keeping our eyes on Him. Staying close to the One who never changes His mind.

I have also begun an Etsy shop - at www.etsy.com.  The Lord put on my heart that there are creative ways of supplementing our income - already in us.  Creativity takes courage :)  I began creating art prints - scriptures, quotes, songs, etc.  I believe that words are powerful- that which we meditate upon is what we think about and become.

We also began working on special order leather bracelets - I had gotten one for Christmas and really wanted to make them for others. They can be specialized with different colors of leather and a word/phrase choice. We now have them for sale at a local shop here in town, and God is really blessing our efforts.  We are so grateful.

Here is the link to the shop...


I have seen His hand work in our lives so visibly - maybe it's because we are removed from our comfort zone - away from familiar - I'm not sure, but I have SEEN His hand and am eternally thankful for all He has done for us.

Be encouraged - the more you seek Him- the more you find Him. It's a promise, and He never breaks His promises.

Love,
Christa

Trust Your Story

Last night I had a dream about my dad. I was visiting him in prison, which was pretty familiar because he was in there for most of my life. I woke up wondering why I would dream that, why my mind would wander there again. He had a heart attack a few years ago and died before being released, crushing my little girl dreams and I have been working through the pain of that ever since.

The conclusion I have come to is this - I had the dream and woke up- and there wasn't pain. I didn't wake up in tears. I woke up in thought and remembrance. That is progress.

I am getting better at telling my story and embracing my story and loving my story. Because every part of our story is a piece to our puzzle. And there is purpose locked inside every part when we learn to embrace it.

Have I "arrived"? No way. Is it never going to bring me to tears again? No regrets or sadness? Of course there will be times of that. I am human and a void was left. But God is the one doing the mending, not me. And His timing is perfect. He is a gentle Healer.

We can sit back and pretend it didn't happen, or we can give Jesus the pieces and let Him make something beautiful. Because He loves broken things.

Christa ⚓

Be strong and courageous.

I have learned more about myself in the past 4 weeks than I have in the past year.  Being placed in a different environment, stripped of all that is familiar, away from close relationships and friends.  A wise woman told me that I would see what was really in me during this time, the good and the bad.  And she was SO right!  When pressure is applied, things will come out, things you didn't know were there and thought you had overcome.  Turns out they are there, and you just have to remind yourself they are covered in the blood and He is enough. 

His grace is always sufficient.  

He asks that we have courage - not because we can do it on our own, but because He is with us.

What is courage?

Courage is the ability to keep standing on weak knees. The ability to find beauty in your breaking, live vulnerably & intentionally. He loves when we admit we are broken.  He loves it, because in our weakness He is made strong.  

Courage is knowing that when we admit our smallness and weakness - it will help someone else, that thinks Christians are pretty and perfect and have it all together.

Courage is vulnerability and it is bravery. It is showing up no matter what the cost. Pushing through even when we aren't sure we'll be recieved.  Knowing that no matter what - He recieves us and believes in us.  

As small and broken and fragile as we are.

So be reminded...His mercies are new every morning. His grace is enough for you.  Because He died, there is always enough. 

Just look into His eyes, and you will see.  

Love,
Christa :)