Father's Day

It's that time of year again...the time where we honor Fathers.  Ever since I was a little girl, this has been difficult for me.  My father was in prison for the majority of my life, and passed away a few years ago while still there.

When the other kids would make father's day crafts for their dad, it was hard.  When other dads would come to my dance recital, but mine couldn't, it was hard.  When my school plays came around, or proms, or graduation, it was hard.  Like someone was missing, because he was.

Don't get me wrong, my dad loved me.  This I know for sure.  The amount of letters he wrote me was ridiculous, I wish I had been smart enough to save them.  In my youth, I believed we had plenty of time.  I was wrong.

He passed away at the federal prison of a massive heart attack.  Just like that, at 50 years old and having the appearance of being healthy, he was gone.  So close to being released, and we were both full of dreams and plans for him spending time with my kids. Spending time with me.

It has taken me time to figure out the purpose in this.  I believe that I have a heavenly Father who has always watched over me, even when my earthly father didn't, couldn't.  My husband is now a regular chaplain in the same prison my dad was in, God has weaved it all together and accomplished great things for His glory.  But it is still hard.

When this time of year comes around, I tend to try and keep myself "busy", but it never fails.  It always hits like a ton of bricks, and I just have to let it out.

I miss what I didn't have, but I am conviced I will see him again.  I will live a life that shows my father honor, and make him proud.  I will cherish the memories I DO have, and be thankful that I had a dad that cared about me with all he had, and loved me the best he knew how.

I will honor my amazing husband, who has shown me what a real man looks like, what a real father AND daddy looks like.

And I will consider myself blessed to know my Jesus, who never leaves and is always listening. <3

Love,
Christa <3

Where is the pause button?

My beautiful babies are growing up.

I keep trying to slow down the clock, but I can't figure out how.

They were just babies 5 minutes ago, right??  

So since I can't find the pause button, I will slow myself down so I don't miss anything.  I will try to be more patient...talk less and listen more...worry less and love more.




  Thankful for this life I've been trusted with.




"Once she stopped rushing through life, she was amazed how much life she had time for."

<3 Christa

My bff :)

A few weeks ago I went on a 10 day trip.  I was home a little over a week, and my husband left for a 10 day trip.  yuck.

We have been married almost 14 years, and have been together for 15 years.  Almost half of the time I've been alive, I have been with him.  My best friend.  My favorite person in the entire world.  The funniest person I've ever known.  My happily ever after.

All couples have the tendency to settle into a routine.  We can't help it, it comes natural.  Familarity creeps in. Daily activities get mundane.  We get into the "Groundhog Day" as I like to call it, like the movie.  Day after day, similar stuff, kids and busyness.  Dealing with ministry issues, life issues, money issues.

As much as I despise being away from him, it is so good for us!  I am pulled away from him every year at this time, and it it terrible and wonderful at the same time.  He is an AMAZING person, and I forget that sometimes.  He is my GIFT, and that is taken for granted when I see him every day.  I forget.  Lord, forgive me for not remembering what a blessing this life is, the ones You've given me to serve.

To have a partner in this crazy life that shares my heart, it is a beautiful thing.  To be able to share my faith in Jesus, to share what He's doing in my heart. To know my purpose, and be encouraged in every area of my life, by someone who believes in my dreams.  And to feel the same way about him.  Grateful, thankful, blessed.

Don't take them for granted...

<3 Christa

What's real?

What's real?  Is tv real? Is the news real?  Are the characters/people real?  Yes and no.

The past few weeks I have been so troubled by these things. When I got back from my trip to Haiti, I could hardly stand looking at the television.  I assumed it was because I hadn't seen one in almost 2 weeks, and just wasn't used to it.  I hardly watched it before I left either, but this was more.  I just kept hearing in my spirit, "it's not real."  I am not saying boycott tv and movies, but I am saying, to think about what you are allowing into your heart, mind and spirit.

My kids thought I was a little crazy when I started saying these things, but I had to tell them, it's not real.  The stuff they make up in the movies and on television is not real.   But we fill ourselves with it, and use the "knowledge" we find on the tv and in a movie and apply it to REAL life.  And we expect it to work!

Nicholas Sparks books, (and I have read lots!) are not real.  The expectations that women have in their heart regarding love aren't real.  A romantic movie isn't real.  Sometimes they are "based off of a true story", which means they took a little thing and dramatized it to make money.  LOL

Maybe this is a rant. Maybe.  But if you're reading this, just ponder it.  What are we letting into ourselves that isn't real?  The eyes ARE the window to the soul, and if you let it in, it's there.  If it's not truth, then it will conflict with the truth in you.  And one will win, the truth or the lie.

My heart is passionate about girls believing in false love.  Oh, the heartache that comes with it.  I remember that heartache. I remember hoping, wishing, even praying.  All in vain.

True love only comes from God, along with the ability to truly love someone.  Real love cost something, and is sacrificial in nature.  Jesus is our example.  Movies are just that...movies.  TV is just that...tv.  Entertainment.  Not real life, but a twisted version of it.

Seek the one that is REAL, and He will put everything else in perspective :)

Behold, You desire truth in the inner being; make me therefore to know wisdom in my inmost heart. Psalm 51: 6

<3 Christa

I did it!

I have been back from Haiti for 10 days now, and am finally getting back into the swing of "normal" life, whatever that is :)   God did so much in my heart during my trip. I met beautiful people, tried new things, saw gorgeous places, and conquered fears that held me down for my whole life.

Being stripped from everything comfortable and predictable, having no one to depend on, to take care of things, to fall back on.   It was a truly humbling experience.  I haven't been on my own in years...if ever.  I am still not sure how I did it, going out of the country for the first time, alone, without speaking the language AT ALL of the country that I am traveling to.  Thinking about it now is laughable :)

I think the greatest thing God did in me during my time in Haiti, was healing in the area of "Daddy."  I have always been insecure in this place.  Needing someone to have my back, to cover me, to take care of me.  It never dawned on me that I didn't need a person for this.  That God, Himself, was with me, watching over me, and had never left me.  Being by myself made me truly consider who and what I placed my trust in.  When no one is around, what do I believe?  My relationship with my Jesus is so much stronger, and has gone to another level.

The beautiful children I met have changed my life.  I will no longer look at a child the same.  The eyes are truly the window to the soul, and I have seen so much beauty in those eyes.  They all have a story to tell, and lots to say.  We could stand to learn a lesson or two from them. The kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these.

I am proud of myself.  I got close to the edge, and I jumped.  I didn't fall.  I was afraid, I was nervous, but I jumped.  And my Papa was with me every step of the way. :)

<3 Christa

He's been faithful

I can never repay You, Lord, 
for what You've done for me; 
how You loosed my shackles and You set me free, 
how You made a way out of no way, 
turned my darkness into day. 
You've been my joy in the time of sorrow, 
hope for my tomorrow, 
peace in the time of the storm, 
strength when I'm weak and worn. 

(Eddie James, You've Been Faithful)

Had this song on my heart today, and felt led to write what the Lord has been doing in my heart and my life.  About 2 months ago I began to feel the urgency to visit my friend Krista.  She is currently serving as a missionary in Haiti, with a group from San Diego, California.  This has been her dream, and great passion of her heart to go and serve the people of Haiti.  I admired this quality in her, her willingness to follow her dream and not give up, despite facing adversity and difficulty.  I have struggled with fear my whole life, being afraid of just about everything, from heights, to being alone, etc.  I never dreamed I would be able to overcome my fears and do it too.

I told my husband that I felt like I was supposed to go.  He said, "okay, then do it."  Wow.  I said, "you don't have any questions?  You don't have any doubts?"   "Why would I doubt what God is saying to you? " he said.

I am so blessed to have a husband that is a God chaser.  So with that, he reminded me that when he went to Israel last year, I told him I felt like God was going to send me somewhere, and it wouldn't be with him. It would be alone, so that He could build something in me that I depended on Kevin for.  Again, wow.  

So we booked my ticket, and I bought my passport.  I felt in my heart that we should take up an offering at our church, to allow them to give into this effort, and to take some gifts to Krista.  So I put together a small slideshow PPT presentation, and spoke from my heart for about 5 minutes about the work she was doing there.  Someone wrote a check to cover not only my trip, but the items for Krista and her flight to meet me in Port au Prince when I arrived.  WOW. (I didn't even ask for money for my trip, only for Krista. He gives more than I can ask for!)

He really does do more than what we ask or imagine. The warfare I have experienced in this season of my life is unlike any other season.  I have been hit personally, as well as in ministry, back to back to back, with not much time to catch my breath.  But it doesn't matter!  He is doing so much in my heart, that it makes any hit or attack worth the look in His eyes.  He is so faithful when we are chasing Him.  When our hands are clean, and our hearts are pure, He knows.  He sees all.  

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us..."   Eph. 3:20

I leave in less than 3 weeks for Haiti! I will update my blog and facebook as I am there and after I return. I am believing for great things. Please keep me in your prayers, as I have never bee overseas at all, or traveled alone.  But I won't be alone. He will be with me. :)

The heart of the matter...

Life can be hard on the heart. The world is full of outside influences that have the power to disrupt the rhythm of your heart. Most are subtle. Some may even appear to be necessary as protection from further disruptions. Over time you may develop habits that slowly erode your heart's sensitivity. The inevitable pain and disappointment of life have caused you to set up walls around your heart. Much of this is understandable. But at the end of the day, there's no way around the truth: Your heart is out of sync with the rhythm it was created to maintain. These disrupters that throw your heart out of sync do not work their way out on their own, without any effort on my part. Thopse things that disrupt the rhythms of the invisible heart linger. If left alone, some linger for a lifetime. After a while, we come to accept these disrupters as part of us, part of our personality. And so we catch ourselves saying, "That's just the way I am." But you weren't always that way.  So let me ask you...how are things with your heart??

- from "Ememies of the Heart" by Andy Stanley

Well...I have 3 books on my reading pile at the moment, and this happens to be one of them.  The title caught my eye, as Proverbs 4:23 is my absolute favorite verse (guard your heart with all diligence, for out of it flows the issues of life).  I believe that verse is true with all of my...heart. :)

When I was younger, I dealt with asthma and heart palpitations, irregular heartbeat.  My mom took me the doctor and after tests were ran, they told us that one of the valves in my heart was too long.  Sometimes it got "caught up" and caused an irregular heartbeat, causing shortness of breath.  So I deal with the medical condition, mitral valve prolapse, and a heart murmur.  No big deal, just a little extra precaution.

I started thinking about this when I started reading this book.  The outside influences that we all deal with have the power to affect the inside.  The outside circumstances, conflicts, etc.  create pressure on us, on our hearts.  And what is inside will come out.  What is in us is greater than the pressure on the outside.  Greater is HE.  He is making us stronger, bolder, so that we will show His heart through ours.

When I overdo it, I know it.  I have to sit, rest, take deep breaths, and I feel my heart slip back into rhythm.  It takes a bit, but I am brought back into rhythm.  He is the one that brings us back into rhythm with Him.  Sometimes we must force ourselves to stop...and to sit at His feet, stay a while, get lost in the moment with Him.  He refreshes us, and we can go forward, heart guarded and eyes on Him.

The disappointments won't stop.  The pain won't stop coming.  The enemy will not leave us alone.  But we are stronger, wiser, and guarded.  And moving forward, ready for what's next.

Christa  <3