Quiet Time Thoughts

Thinking and praying in my quiet house as daddy is running errands and picking up kids. 

I thank the lord for this rare gift. And repenting for the many times I pass it up to do other things that seem so pressing at the time.

Prayer used to be low on my priority list. We can decieve ourselves into thinking doing is the greater work. But I have learned that you cannot do for Him - without being with Him. 

Sure you can try- run until you're ragged. And then hit your knees. Or just cry out when you're in need. Not really a way to get to know someone's heart- just running to them with grabbing hands. 

Just being with Him- learning the rhythms of His mercy and grace. Adjusting our attitude to His. 

This is when He whispers our new name. Makes us confident in Him. Gives us beauty for our ashes. Takes our shame away. It's such sweet times. 

So many get imbalanced in this- He never intended us to selfishly wallow in His presence - but to soak it in and spread it around. May we never be full and satisfied just keeping it inside. 

Lets leak what we believe. 

Don't have it perfected. But grateful for the journey ❤️

Not the same.

Had some Jesus time tonight. So sweet and so needed. 

He reminded me that with Him, we are always on the move. Always going forward, deeper, growing. Sometimes we forget that. As Christians, there are time we think we are stuck, or we aren't moving fast enough, but He's there. And He's tangible. 

Goodness that's beautiful. That no matter how dark the situation, the light is always there, cause it's always in us. 

Looked back on my Instagram tonight. I am not the same person I was a year ago. A year and a half ago. The journey has changed me. And I am grateful to say it's been for the better. 

Parts of my heart have been awakened. And others have been cut away. It's made me better, not bitter. I've chosen it- it didn't come easily. I fought for it. 

Just want to encourage you friend. If you can't see the light in your situation right now- don't give up. Have hope. Wait on the Lord. He's faithful and He never leaves. 

What seems like forever isn't. This too shall pass- and you'll be all the better for it.

❤️Christa 

Normal.

I'll tell you a secret about me. 

Despite my crazy life of following Jesus and feeling many times like I'm on a wild goose chase. I want normal. I crave routine. The simple life. 

Familiar and comfortable. Predictable and safe. 

Peace and quiet. 

I am learning myself. My ways. 

When I'm overwhelmed I pull away and I just want to drink coffee in my backyard. Away from people and messes and needs. 

When I forget to abide, I get tired. I get irritated with people and junk and phone calls and stuff. 

 So I reconnect. I kneel down at His feet again and my heart is reminded of why I follow such a beautiful King. 

Not because He's always predictable or comfortable. Or even safe.

But because He is worth every tear and extra effort. Every sleepless night and every check written. Every hurt feeling and every wound. 

God wanted us so much that He bought us back- with the blood of His son. We are worth it to Him. And He is worth it to me. 

So I repent for getting off balance and I take a deep breath and I grab His hand. He's so faithful and He never leaves. 

Will I fail at this again? Probably. But I know He will be there to remind me....again. 

It's not that He loves me because of what I do. Or don't do. 

He loves me just because He is love. 

That makes it worth it all. 

Christa ❤️

Overcomer

Kevin and I have done a lot of talking lately about our position. Are we reactive or proactive? 

When things go to crap- fall apart- what do we do? 

Do we flip out? Stress out? Or do we hold our peace- because we trust the One that holds us? 

When the tests come- our level of faith is revealed. 

When the enemy tries to blow out our candle... Is he able? Does it just take one little breath? 

Read this quote from Brian Johnson today..." If you overcome and stay the course, you will have a song to sing." 

I have found this to be so true. 

Just to name a few...

I have been tested in my childhood. 

I have been tested in my marriage. 

I have been tested in my motherhood. 

I have been tested in relationships. 

I have been tested in how I see God. 

I have been tested in my view of who I thought I was in Him. And who He sees me as. 

And I overcame. I now stand on top of the things tried to kill my spirit and I stand from a position of an overcomer, and my song is the most free it's ever been. 

Why am I sharing this?? Because way too many think it should be an easy road. 

I want you to know that faith is not cheap. It's not attained easily. You are buying gold refined in the fire, and the fire is painful. 

But you don't forget the beautiful price that you paid for it, and man cannot take it away. 

Cling to your faith friends. Push through the fire. 

You are an overcomer, and your song is beautiful. Others need your song. 

No one can sing it quite like you.

Much love,

Christa ❤️

Community

A few nights ago, Kevin and I were sitting on our swing in the front yard. One of my favorite things is to drink coffee and sit with my sweetheart and talk about life and Jesus and watch the sun go down. 

We were sitting for a bit when we noticed a beautiful bird in a tree. It had a yellow belly and I hadn't remembered seeing one before. We googled it and found it was in the finch family. It had a nest in the tree. 

It began squawking and making different noises from its branch.  It wasn't long before we noticed a cat walking down the sidewalk towards us. The bird got louder. 

Then it happened- other birds joined the bird in the tree. They, too, began making noise, warning the cat to stay away. The cat must not have been very concerned... It flopped down on the sidewalk. The birds continued to come from different directions, still making noise. 

They had heard the cries for help and came to the birds aid. 

Another yellow bellied bird suddenly came and pecked that cat on the head. The cat got up and decided to leave. 

I was so moved by this. Thinking about these birds made me think about Christians. 

The birds were different types. The yellow belly birds may have been the parents - but those that came to help at the sound of need- they were all different colors and sizes. How powerful. 

So many times we like to stay in our area. Our comfort zone. What feels safe to us. 

What if we got over ourselves? Our fears? Our junk? And reached out? 

Realized that we are all His? We are ALL sinners in need of unfailing love? What if? 

What would we look like? 

Community. Family. Love. 

Love has to look like something. I want my love to look like His. 

Not like me- because human love has limits and boundaries and conditions. Human love is based off of feelings. It comes and it goes. 

But His love- it has no bounds. No rules. It breaks down walls and it seeps through the cracks and it never lets go. 

I pray that all that's going on around us is a great challenge to our hearts... To grow in our love. First in our love for God, then in our love for others. Not just those that love us back. Or those that agree with every belief we have. 

But those that might not even like you. Or agree with you. Those that have been through hell and have walls up. Those that are hopeless. Those that have never known real love. So they turned to false refuges because the pain is great and the place they are in are so dark. 

We can't hide in our closets and wait for Jesus to return. Yes- we need to hit our knees- so that He can change our hearts and make us like Him. 

Hit our knees- and then get up. And go be love. 

Let us grow in love. It's the only answer. 

Christa ❤️

My dear children, let’s not just talk about love; let’s practice real love. This is the only way we’ll know we’re living truly, living in God’s reality. It’s also the way to shut down debilitating self-criticism, even when there is something to it. For God is greater than our worried hearts and knows more about us than we do ourselves. (1 John 3:18-20 MSG)

You're worth it.

Many are aware of my journey the past year. Overcoming cancer and getting my self back. It has been scary, and hard, and enlightening, and beautiful. 

I learned a lot about me. 

For starters. I don't like superficial. I refuse to be someone I'm not. God made me to be ME- and He's pretty happy. I'm far from perfect and I mess up all the time. 

All that matters is that I please Him at the end of every day. I so want that. 

Second. I'm trying to step up my health game. Getting lung cancer after you've smoked for 40 years is terrible- but predictable. If you've contributed to killing your body- it's not a shocker when it wears out faster than if you didn't. Why do we hurt ourselves? We eat junk and feel awful. Why?

I want to do my best with what I've been given. I believe that just like we will answer for all we have or have not done for Him, we will also answer for our bodies he gave us. I'm committed to doing better. I'm back in the gym regularly. I walk a lot more. I choose grilled chicken instead of pizza. Sometimes :) 

I take better care of myself. 

This includes my nightly non negotiable bubble bath. No matter what. ;) 

And third- there are honestly so many other things but maybe another day- I want to be a good friend. I have struggled trusting people in the past, and honestly I still do at times. People are something else. Smile in your face and cut you down when you turn away. Pretend we aren't mad or offended and lack courage to be honest about it. Force a happy face. We are all guilty. 

But I don't want to do it for the return. Because they will do the same. 

I want to love others better because He's watching. I want to make His heart smile. 

I know I'll miss the mark, sure. I'm selfish and thoughtless and forgetful. I hate that. 

But...

I want to do better. Be better. Why? 

Because I'm worth it. And you are too. 

Choose better - choose the hard thing. Go the extra mile. It's not crowded. 

You can do it friend. 

❤️Christa 

You've got this.

Hey you.

Yep, you.

The one that feels like giving up.

The one that feels like quitting.

That barely could get out of bed and get dressed and tie your shoes and put on a happy face.

You.

You are pretty stinking awesome.  

You are fearfully and wonderfully made.

There is no one like you, and no one more qualified to be you. There are lives that only you can touch and words that only you can speak and a road only you can walk.

There's an enemy out there that knows this - knows it even more that you and I know it.

An enemy that laughs when you give in and high fives himself when you break.

Because he already knows the thing that we need reminding of.

This - If you don't quit - you win. 

The battle is raging - yes. But the war has been won.

We still have this walk to walk - fight this fight - this battle is not against flesh and blood. It's bigger than that...

But guess what?

You are stronger than you think - than you feel most days - there's more to you than what you see in the mirror.

You are one tough cookie.

Think of what you've survived - what you've walked through.  You are still HERE and you haven't dropped off and you haven't given in.

He has made you strong - remember this.

You are important - and you are needed.

You are a gift.

So don't fall apart.  Hold it together.  Dig those heels in. Keep on keeping on.

Because you can do it.  I believe in you.

But more importantly - He does.

Just a little encouragement for your beautiful heart today.

<3 Christa



If you fall to pieces in a crisis, there wasn't much to you in the first place.
Proverbs 24:10 msg

Forward

A little late for a New Years post maybe. But here goes anyway :) 

I told myself I wasn't doing that whole "word of the year" thing. But I kept hearing the same word as I reflected over 2014 and all of its glory (I say that with much sarcasm) and so I have a word. 

Simple but not. It's such a process. You can't heal from cancer quickly. Oh I expected the physical stuff. But I didn't think it would take me so long to get energy and strength back, but I knew it would be tough. I have really been frustrated with the pace of my progress- ugh. 

And the emotional part- goodness. Such a roller coaster. Up down and in between. Not helped by meds either. 

Let me be clear, I'm not whining. I'm just speaking out. I'm a firm believer in being real, open and honest. 

We are always expected to have it together. Be on time. Say the right things. Remember stuff. Act right. Dress cute. Have all the answers. Whatever. 

And you know what? No one has it all together! We ALL fall short and we all lose our temper and we all miss it. It happens and it is LIFE and we aren't pathetic for failing. 

We are BRAVE for trying. 

So I'm gonna breathe and relax and focus on healing. Day by day. And be patient with ME. Because I'm worth it. 

And so are you friend. 

Give yourself a break. Cut yourself some slack. You're perfectly imperfect. 

Your best is always good enough, no matter how small it seems at times. 

And you're doing just fine. :) 

Christa <3